I, like so many of you, am a “post” care-giver. That is over now, but here’s a thought. It’s NOT!!! All that care-giving that was showered on your loved one NOW belongs to you! You MUST, MUST, MUST be a care-giver to yourself and I know (first-hand) that this is harder than it EVER was to take care of Ben (my sweet and gone husband). Not emotionally, of course. He’s where he is supposed to be, praise God, and I’m no longer torn between waiting for the other shoe to drop and hoping the transplant clinic would find him a lung before that shoe DID drop!
Ben has been gone since February 15th (11 months) and in that time, I have done more damage to myself than I could have imagined. I NEVER liked ice cream, but Ben did…and after he died, I was off work from my high-stress (all consuming) job for 3 weeks. When I would crawl out of bed to get something to drink or eat, the only thing that wouldn’t take any time to prepare was the ice-cream, so I ate it….and when it was gone, I was hooked on the “no-preperation” thing, so I went and bought more, except that was filling up the sink with bowls and spoons, so I got Klondike bars! Box after box after month after month…until I have come full circle and NOW no longer care for ice cream any more. NO MESS!!! YAY, me!! Oh, yeah, there was a mess…..ME!!
I had already needed to lose 100 lbs. from years of sitting behind a desk working only hours that vampires sleep….every moment of daylight. People would ask me ,”What ARE your work hours?” I’d tell them, “from the butt-crack of dawn until hell freezes over!” It was funny (instead of complaining), but WAY too true. And after 6 months of a truly steady diet of Klondike bars……we’re not talking in addition to meals……I’m telling you, I ate a Klondike bar EVERY time I ate anything. So, instead of 100 lbs. to lose that I had sworn I would start losing as soon as I didn’t have to work and try to choreograph Ben’s health care and the rest of our life, I now have an ADDITIONAL 50 lbs. that …..well, without going into all the health stuff like ruined knees and all that….let’s just say that when I started leaving a room before my hips did and they’d knock stacks of case files off my desk, it was time to wake up and remember that time DOES pass and that we are still here to go on as long as is our time to!
Let’s start throwing some of that “care-giving” out on a boomerang that comes back to us and takes care of US. Like Jean said, Dan would not want to know that she had lost her health by taking care of him! That’s true of all our loved ones….so at the beginning of this new year (and NO, I am NOT one of those new years resolution people) let’s quit feeling guilty for still being here and keep “care-giving” ourselves FOR ourselves and the ones we have loved.
Peace and Health in 2010…it’s hard to believe Y2K was a decade ago!! Time flies whether you’re having fun or not!
Marcy
My heart goes out to all caregivers. Why do we feel guilty, after the loss of loved ones,to take the time and effort to take care of ourselves? I was caregiver for my beloved parents who died two weeks apart, from diabetic complications and cancer, at home. Most recently was live-in caregiver for a dear high school friend who died of Lewy Body disease (similar to Alzhemier’s and Parkinon’s) March 27th at the age of 53 yo. To those of you currently caring for your loved ones, I wish you the bestand may God bless you and your loved ones. Caregiving is the most difficult but most rewarding experience ever. Much love to all the angels out their healing from their caregiving experiences. Nice to be able to share our experiences and hopefully, self healing!
Like
8
Hi Jan.
Just reading this tonight and am SOOO sorry for ALL your loss! I do hope that you heal and that you find comfort in God and the camaraderie of everyone whose path you cross. It is the give and take, this sharing of loss and burden, that weaves the healing stitches across the wounds that break our hearts and shake us to our very souls. As you see others with similar stories or even experiences so diverse that you can hardly imagine it, the burden CAN be lightened as (in growing numbers), we each pick up a small branch of the load on someone else’s heart and mind.
Why do we feel guilty, you ask? It’s an age old dilemma; survivor’s guilt. But I don’t think it’s so easily explained away with that trite phrase. I think that we (in our optimism for a different outcome)believe that the harder we try to save someone, the more likely it is that we CAN save them. When we don’t (can’t), we feel that we must be at fault; our loved one SHOULD have lived…if ONLY given better care by US! WE have failed them! In our grief and varying degrees of shock at the end, we don’t sit in rational retrospect and realize that our ends (as living beings) are inevitable and NOTHING we can do or have DONE would have ultimately kept him or her alive…..at least on THIS planet! If love kept us alive, there wouldn’t be very many people moving on to what (so many of us believe) awaits us. My parents are elderly and will be much more ready to “go” than I am to let them, when that day comes! Were it in my selfish power, I may choose to hold them here long after THEY realize the need to leave!
Rather than internalize our weakness at NOT being God, and therefore unable to keep our loved ones alive by sheer will and care, we need to turn the self-loathing into self-love and thank ourselves FROM our lost loved one…..we must realize that THEY knew we were with them, that WE made a difference, that WE did all we could, that WE loved them!!! We must take the time to reflect in THAT pool, once the surface settles after the loss and we can see CLEARLY again. That is when we will see who we really are; strong warriors who need to recuperate FULLY from our latest battle….like it or not, we will need to be strong enough to face the next battle(large or small),that comes our way! This IS life, even the facets we hate to acknowledge…..that (at least so far)once entered, only has one exit….and only the very young or very innocent leave this life without having endured the loss of one or more VERY dear loves! As someone so integral to (and the very seed for)this website wrote and sang, “Love when you can. Cry when you have to.”
Peace, everyone!
Accept your blessings in whatever form you find them in!
Marcy
Like
7
Wow, Marcy! Have you been inside my head? I feel like you’ve been describing me…
I just found DLH not long ago and it has done wonders for me. I lost my husband last September to complications from liver failure after 17 years of being his care giver. He had a liver transplant in 1995 and had 16 great years, but at the end, I really couldn’t have handled the last few weeks of his life without my sweet son beside me.
I am the queen of shouda, coulda, woulda and constantly second guessed my decisions after the fact. Since my son was with me constantly during those last weeks, he was able to short-circuit my tendency to feel I could have done something more or different or made better decisions. I even had the arrogance at one point to think that something I said to him might make a difference.
Talking to others here and reading their stories has really helped me. Back when my husband had his transplant the most successful transplant centers were barely 10 years old and the internet was in its infancy so I had no support group or anything.
Reading what you wrote helps me realize that my feelings and reactions have not been uncommon or unnatural.
Thanks for your help and I am learning to accept my blessings even when they don’t come in a form I would expect.
Like
3
By the way, my husband had his transplant at Baylor in Dallas.
Like
0
Hi Laura…. I’ve been MIA here for awhile, as I never did give up that job from hell….until NOW! I’ve recently been called back into the caregivers role with my parents. Yep, both of ‘em at the same time. My mother is recovering from back surgery (and very well, I’m glad to say for 86 years old). My father has suddenly developed either a fast onset Alzheimer’s or dementia and though he does all the physical things for my mother, like fixing their meals, etc., he can’t even figure out how to work the thermostat on the central air anymore. I HAVE to find him a GOOD doctor (unlike the legion of ones he has now) who will look at the whole picture of a person, not just a heart, or swollen hands, etc. That is what we have to do, as caregivers, is to make sure that someone is listening and treating our loved one as a WHOLE person, not just the part that is their specialty!
And yes, Laura, we all develop that ‘arrogance’ as you called it, thinking maybe we have the power to change EVERYTHING! Well, we DO have the power to change what we can, but as that old prayer goes, we have to have the wisdom to know the difference. I learned from listening to Jean while my husband Ben was ill, that I needed to take care of me (as a caregiver) too. What? I had never thought about caregiver needing to take care of themselves. It was before she got this site going and I’d never even thought to look up anything about caregivers….really? What’s to know, huh? Well, she told me that sometmes the caregiver succumbs before the loved one they’re caring for does! I did NOT consider that..we’re too busy taking care of someone else to realize we’re running on fumes! And it took me awhile to internalize it, but now I’m 3 years older and more worn out from my work… and NOW, I have two people to care for and all that entails; coordinating dr’s visits, laundry, cleaning their house (dang…all the things I’ve never had time to do at my own house much, I’m suddenly pressed into service for somewhere else). MY house is STILL a wreck! LOL
Of course, now that I’ve given up my work, I WILL have some more time to get things in order BOTH places. The bottom line is…. I continued to hear the lessons about our health as caregivers replaying themselves in my head and I said,”NOT again!” We MUST persevere if we are going to continue to care for those we love. You questioned what you could have done. I hope you know you’re not at fault; that you are not in control of the universe and all the ill that befalls us here on this planet! Me either, but I’ll be sure that I did all I can and rest in THAT confidence when the time comes! And THAT, IS taking care of myself in one sense and it’s all I can do! Even though transplant has come a long way, it’s obvious they knew what they were doing. It sounds like your husband lived healthily for a long time after his transplant. Baylor’s ALWAYS been awesome! That’s were my Dad went to dental school some 60 years ago!
You’re still fresh from your loss, but I hope you are focusing on you more now! Hey, one final word of advise…stay away from the Klondike bars (or whatever easy rut tries to pull you in)! The very thought of one makes me wanna gag now! When I hear the commercial song on t.v. that says, “what would ya’ do-oo-oo for a Klondike bar?” I usually say out LOUD, “NOTHING”!! Look through the recipes here on the site and like Jean would probably tell you, “take a walk”. I’ll just hope you’re not in Texas. I am and I’ve been making myself walk the dogs every morning (just started since I’m not going to work every morning now) and it’s ALREADY summer in Texas…but just do something that is good for you and know you’re where you are supposed to be at any given moment! Bless God and, as always….
Accept your blessings…(one of them is this wonderful website that an angel named Jean started),
Marcy
Like
0
Marcy, that’s good – get your father in to see his doctor, but don’t discount caregiver burnout as the cause of some of his sudden mindlessness. We’ve all experienced the Zombie Effect caused by being a 24/7 caregiver. Now that you’re done with the job from Hell, you’ll be able to support him even more – give him a reprieve from the mind-numbing stress of caring for your mother. When I give my father a break and sleep with my mother to help her with her jaunts to the bathroom in the night, it only takes 3 nights for me to wonder how he has kept his sanity all these years…
Like
4
Hi Marcy,
My father is begin considered for a lung transplant (at UTMB, Galveston) and he just completed the last in a series of test, this one for prostate cancer and it came back positive. His Urologist believes that the treatment can be handled with radiation alone, but now we hear that the transplant team may not list him. I would like the name of the Dr that you call KING of his field in Urology. Perhaps a second opinion will help.
My father is willing to remove his prostate if that will get him listed sooner.
Any information would be appreciated.
Thanks,
Kimberly
Like
0
Dear Kimberly,
I am sorry for your father’s health problems, and I am hoping our caregivers @ DLH can guide and encourage you, as you continue on your care giving journey. I am also hoping that Marcy will see your post and respond to you as soon as she can. I have noticed she has not posted in a while, and perhaps in the meantime, there may be some of our other caregivers that may be able to recommend a doctor in area for a second opinion, or have ideas on how to go about finding the “best” doctor in this field. I am a firm believer in asking questions, of the nursing staff, etc. in the hospital for the names of several other urologists in your area. Have you asked your dad’s internist for a referral ? We also have
“Melisa C”on the site, caregiver for her mate, Brother Dan, who is on the liver transplant list . She really is a wealth of information, so loving and sharing, I am sure she can give you some ideas on how to proceed. They have a page/blog on the caringbridge.org, under the name of Brother Daniel Palmer.
Please know that we are here to help you in any way @ DLH. When you get a moment again, let us know how you are progressing in your search, and I am hoping the Marcy and Melisa can supply you with that information you require.
Best wishes,
~ Char
Like
0
Hi Kimberly, you are in loving warm hands here and I am so happy that you found this site. Char is so wonderful and I do have some ideas. My Dan is on the liver transplant wwaiting list so I know quite a bit about liver list but not so much about lung waiting list although we are heavily involved in our area, Sacramento, CA with the transplant community. If you are on facebook friend “The Power of Two” and ask questions to them, twin sisters Isa & Ana who both had double lung transplants and are Stanford graduates. They may be able to help you with lung transplant questions. They are both incredibly remarkable people. Look up http://www.unos.org this is the United Network for Organ Sharing and see if this is a resource for you. Go to http://www.donatelife.net and see if you can find a local support group in your area. Being around the transplant community in any capacity will be a welcoming place to be. Be sure and keep on writing here at DLH-this site and the caring people here are what will hold you up. Support Groups are what have kept me strong so that I can be strong for myself and for Dan. I hope some of this helps in some way. I am thinking of you. With love, Melisa
Like
0
Thank you Melisa for your swift response to Kimberly.
~Char
Like
0
Hi Kimberly;
I noticed your father is being treated at UTMB in Galveston. I suggest considering MD Anderson in Houston for a second opinion. They seemed to be the premier cancer treatment facility in your area and they also seem to be very aggressive in their treatment protocols. Just a thought/suggestion:)
Good luck and let us know how you are doing!
Like
0
Thanks for the suggestion Lynn.
Like
0
I agree with Lynn, Kimberly – if you want a second opinion, MD Anderson is huge – that’s where Lance Armstrong went for his cancer, they’re cutting edge. ~ Jean
Like
0
Dear Kimberly, yes, as Char said, I hope Marcy sees your post and can get back with you soon. In the meantime, I’m sending you the information below in case you want to research this prostate center. One of the great things about the Duke doctors is that they are really good at also communicating by e-mail too. You could always call and speak with their secretaries as well that I’ve found are very helpful and maybe they may even be able to recommend doctors in your area possibly. It might be worth googling them and calling or e-mailing. I’ve seen some of their e-mail addresses off the page I copied this information from below. Duke University is known for their expertise in the latest innovations and cutting edge treatments. Best of luck, we will keep your dear dad in our prayers here at DLH and please keep us posted.
First Hand
Prostate Cancer
The Duke Prostate Center
Between 700 and 800 newly diagnosed prostate cancer patients are treated at Duke every year, and the number of patients seeking treatment and second opinions continues to rise. This growth has spurred an influx of more than a dozen top medical oncologists, urologists, surgeons, and radiation oncologists to join the Duke Prostate Center (DPC). Within the Center, physicians, surgeons, nurses, and other caregivers embrace the multidisciplinary approach to patient care. They work together in a seamless effort to ensure that the most effective treatment will be administered. Patients have the opportunity to interact with a variety of specialists including urologist Judd Moul, MD; medical oncologist Dan George, MD; and radiation oncologist W. Robert Lee, MD. Later this year, the Duke Prostate Center will move into a 5,000 square foot area within Duke South. The center will provide patients with an even more convenient approach to multidisciplinary care as it will encompass all of the prostate specialists as well a researchers focusing on new treatments and diagnostics. Recently, George and Moul received a $1 million grant from the US Department of Defense to join a consortium of prostate cancer centers developing novel treatment strategies. Duke was one of only two centers to receive the award in 2006, which seeks to “promote innovative research directed toward eliminating prostate cancer.”
Like
0
Thank you Char and Karen. Good information and a great site.
I found a Marcy Rogers Powell on Facebook and sent her a message. I hope I found the right person. In the meantime I will see what the Duke Prostate Center has to offer.
Keep up the good work.
Kimberly
Like
0
Hi Kimberly, yes, I second Lynn and Jean too. Yesterday I went back to that web site I told you about and they had links to all the US hospitals and what they ranked the best in and MD Anderson in Houston came in #1 for cancer. That’s excellent that they are right in your back door too.
Like
0
Kimberly,
Me again, now that I’ve seen your post….again, sorry for the delay in seeing it.
My only concern about gearing toward the prostate cancer cure FIRST is that a lot of them will not treat the cancer until after the transplant and then it’s the same story on the transplant team’s side. And, they don’t consider the absence of cancer a cure, so are still hesitant to transplant. THAT’S why this Dr. in San Antonio was such a God-send to us. He just spoke the word and before we knew it, Ben was on the list!
Take care of YOU as well as your father.
Like
0
Kimberly, I posted on facebook as I saw that one first. PLEASE contact Dr. Ian Thompson at the University of Texas at San Antonio Health and science center…. http://urology.uthscsa.edu/bio.html#thompsoni
That transplant team is made up of the most brilliant doctors you’d ever want to meet….you know, the kind of doctors that we assume ALL doctors should be like, but AREN’T. They know that Dr. Thompson is brilliant as well, and put a LOT of stock in his word. He’s also a very positive and upbeat guy and vested in his patients well being…..and we ONLY saw him the one time!
Let me know how it goes! God bless you guys on your journey to transplant!!!!!
Marcy
Like
0
Kimberly,
I haven’t heard from you in a while. How is Gale doing? How are YOU doing? Still praying for him and you as well.
Please let me know, either here or F/B or yahoo. I’d like to know what’s going on. Last I heard, apparently the urologist felt like he didn’t NEED another doctor to decide what he could himself….and THAT is a good thing!
I pray his radiation went well and that he got those few pounds off they wanted him to lose….Shoot, if that’s all I had to lose, I wouldn’t even have to get new clothes. It’s probably just be my wrists got thinner or something stupid like that! Let me hear!
Blessings,
Marcy
Like
0
Hi Marcy….I am a person that has had a weight problem all my life.
I truly, truly understand what you are going thru. Being a caregiver, stressed me out to a point that for 5 years I never went to a doctor, for myself. Never thought I could spare the time. Working full time, taking care of a sick husband and an aging mother, has taken its toll on me. Some people when overwhelmed, depressed, stressed or even sick, don’t eat, I do the opposite.
Carbs of course, comfort like no other food source as far as I am concerned. I have learned that
I must take care of me. We must battle on, after the loss of a loved, taking control is the key. I wish you only good thngs, and you are not alone, we are all here for you.
Be well
~Char
Like
0
Marcy, did the lung tranplant clinic put your husband on the list even though he had protate cancer? Everything seemed to be going fine for my husband to be listed and then the prostate cancer showed up. the urologist was extremely surprised to find the cancer because his psa test was so very near normal. I am gearing up to hear that they are not going to approve him for the lung transplant. He has lung fibrosis that is going to kill him there is no doubt about that unless he has a lung transplant. As I am sure you know the statistics for that are not the greatest.. but at least there is hope.. with the fibrosis there is no hope.. just the not knowing when.. not if.’sI would appreciate it if you have any information that would help.
thank you
Janet
Like
0
Hi Janet, I removed your email address from your comment and forwarded it on to Marcy. I’m sorry for all you’re going through, I know how frightened and tired you are. We’re all here for you. ~ Jean
Like
0
Thank you so much. The transplant Dr. called and said that they will not put him on the list because 10 years ago he had melanoma (completely localized and all the research says that the chance of recurrance for him is about 1% plus he was cleared by his own dermatologist for the transplant) The dermatologist that the transplant dr. forced us to see after we saw his own dermatologist, told us it was 67%.. a complete misrepresentation of the numbers.. 67% pertains to someone who had a recurrance at the same site and was joined by multiple sites of melanoma. This is not the case with my husband. I think the transplant dr is very political and I must say I feel he is vindictive… from the beginning I didn’t like him he is extremely evasive and refuses to answer direct questions that are either yes or no. Needless to say there was a personality conflict between the three of us.
This is very frustrating… so now we are looking for another transplant team.
Thank you for writing.
Janet
Like
0
You bet, Janet – find another team. Find a doctor you feel good about (so important!) and don’t ever feel like you are being a pest. It’s standard to look for a second opinion, and you can bet that doctor would, if he were in your shoes. Be a mama tiger and sharpen your claws and bare your teeth and do whatever you need to, to defend your husband and get him the best care you can.
Like
0
Hi Janet…
I sent you an email from yahoo, so feel free to contact me if you want and I will be glad to call you tomorrow.
Prepare, because it is a battle with the transplant team when it comes to the prostate cancer. They simply said, “we don’t give an organ to anyone with cancer.” BUT, I wasn’t going to back down and truly, they weren’t ready to quit any more than we were….so they sent us to THEIR urologist, who was a very kind and upbeat man and within 5 minutes told us he would “strong-arm” the transplant team and tell them to put Ben on the list!
Even though Ben’s regular urologist had written a very encouraging letter after the biopsy, the transplant team put no stock in his encouraging letter to them.
Now, if you’ve dealt with those transplant surgeons, you KNOW they aren’t going to listen to just anyone tell them what to do, but he came back in the exam room within a few minutes and told us not to worry; to just wait for the board to convene and make their “formal” decision……within a few weeks (took a little longer because it was going into the Christmas holidays) we got the call…..on January 2, 2009, they called me and told me Ben was cleared for the list as of that day!!!!
I don’t now which clinic you’re dealing with, but that urologist is apparently “KING” of the walk in his field. The rumor around there (The University of Texas at San Antonio Transplant Clinic) was that he is respected world wide….and he’s not that old a man either… He didn’t waiver one bit when he told us he would get it done. I’ll have to look up his name for you. I don’t know if that will help, but without his “word”, I don’t think we would have gotten much further. Of course, there are different kinds of prostate cancer, as we know…..but that doctor told us that if you pull 100 men off the street and test them for prostate cancer, 50 of them will have it…and never have even had a symptom yet!
The transplant team’s concern is that the anti-rejection drugs make cancer grow like wildfire, but like you said….the fibrosis IS a death sentence and if you can get the lung (or lungs) and get through all that healing, THEN you can deal with the prostate if it is getting worse.
I will look up the doctor’s name and where EVER your clinic is, hopefully they have heard of this urologist and you guys can consult with him and he can have some pull.. Don’t wait though….time is of the essence. The faster he is on that list, the quicker he can get called. I will email you the doctor’s name privately as soon as I look it up……Remember….”Don’t lose heart!”
Like
0
Marcy, Janet, I’m glad you’re in touch. I also appreciate your writing your comment here, Marcy, so others coming to your page will be able to learn from your experience. ~ Jean
Like
0
Hi Jean….
I have been in touch with Janet by email, but not in the last week. My only thought is to get to another transplant clinic ASAP. Pulmonary fibrosis is not a patient disease. It is SOOO difficult to consider trying to find another clinc because the lung is the most fragile of transplants……only a few hours viability outside the donor’s body to the recipient’s!!! But THAT is the only option! Time is the enemy and HOPEFULLY a new clinic will pick up where the other one left off.
I hope so! It really is a frantic process as there is no other treatment….period!
Janet, if you read this, please respond to my email address that you were writing to before.
I’ve been out of town for a week and will still be out for a couple more! I am thinking of you both and hoping that you are finding a more open door!
It’s crazy to think of moving nearer to a clinic, I KNOW!! I was there, remember. If they had told us to, we would have. I hope you are earlier in the fight than we were when we started the process. Ben’s pulmonologist never told us that we needed to think about that option. It was only after we asked, and that was 3 years into the process! They should tell you as SOON as they make that diagnosis, since they KNOW there is nothing else to do!
****************************************************
Love and peace that I wish you and an ear that will listen…
A fist to raise in anger, so your fist won’t rail alone.
Tears at the fear, smiles at small triumphs….
This is all I can share in the journey you’re on.
And you’ll weaken and strengthen and falter again
o’er and o’er till you’ll wonder in awe
How you gather the strength to take one more step
And there is but one answer; Your fuel is your love.
Like
0
Hi Amanda.
I haven’t been on in awhile and just saw your post. It sounds like you’re really strong to have made a commitment to eat healthy. I used to be a extreme health eater…….I still try to only buy organics when there is an alternative, but I’ve been hooked on carbs since my husband died…..now it’s frozen dinner mac and cheese and frozen pasta dinners….seems to be all I have time for, but the one year mark since I lost Ben has passed now and it’s time to buckle down….I just get home late from work and don’t want to bother with “fixing” something. MY problem is that I haven’t eaten or even had anything to drink during the day….I go into surgeon’s mode where I don’t get hungry or thirsty or even have to go pee for 10 hours….then when I get home, it’s carb city on a nearly dead metabolism!!! SSSSOOOO bad. And my husband was a master gardener so we have a little greenhouse and plenty of room, but he wouldn’t ever show me how to work the tiller because he said it would jerk my arms out of the sockets….LOL…so now I’m a little scared of it and being in central Texas in summer is like being in a convection oven!!!! Lots of heat and LOTS of wind!!!! so when you water before leaving for work, by the time you get home, things looks like they’ve been in a food dehydrator. I’ll have to learn a better way….but until Ben died we had plenty of fresh verggies. I’ll learn. I’m sorry you’ve lost so many loves in your life lately, but WOW for your grandmother……I bet she’s happy and spry playing in heaven!!!!
Take care of you and maybe you’ll beat out your grandmother’s age! God bless….
marcy
Like
0
Marcy I did make a New Years resolution to get and stay on a diet and by gum I am sticking to it. I have switched to sugar free foods and am watching my carbs. I miss my bread and cereal (oatmeal in particular), and have to admit I sneaked some cornbread but I did not eat half a pan like I was tempted to do.! I just knew that if I did not do it my health was going to fail. I have mild lupus and want to take care of myself. I wish you the best of luck and you sound like one spunky lady that is a lot of fun to be around. One thing that helps is having your own vegetable garden if possible. If you have the space to grow some of your own food it really makes you want to eat healthier. I have lost two cousins (both sisters in their 40′s) my father, my grandmother (103 years old) and a nephew 29 in the last couple of years. I have gotten to where I hate to answer the phone anymore for fear it is bad news.
Like
1