Don't Lose Heart

My mother took care of my of my sister all her life, my sister was epileptic, my mother was stressed badly, then suddenly my stepfather suffered a stroke,  mother was healthy when it happened, but soon she seemed so tired, after a year and a half, she suddenly died of heart failure at 62…..

My stepfather lived on another 5 years, my sister, along with a male nurse took care of my stepfather for the 5 years he lived, and when they buried him, my sister collapsed the next night, it took 3 months of hospitalization to get her back to talking and communication with people, when he died, she almost died too.

After that, my sister could not live alone, so I brought her home from the hospital to my home.  At the same time a very close elderly friend, who had no living relatives and was suffering with emphysema, fell and broke her hip, so I brought her home from the hospital to my home, both friend and sister moved into an apartment at my home.

About a year into that my husband had a heart attack which led to open heart surgery which led to congestive heart failure 6 months later, and back to the hospital for a second open heart surgery, he is alive today.  I cared for him, my sister and my elderly friend.

Then my son had his first child, both parents were working and since “Mom”  was just at home anyway,  I was elected to be babysitter all day to my first grandchild..I could not refuse, I loved it..she was the ray of sunshine in all our lives.

Though my situation was not so much physical hands on work, as it was constant appointments with doctors and blood work, x-rays and pick up prescriptions, get the grocery’s and cook the food, my sister helped me a lot with laundry and grocery shopping, cleaning, cooking things in the microwave, my elderly friend helped with the baby, she enjoyed watching her play, then like a bolt of lightning striking us again, my sister developed cervical cancer which had spread to her lungs by the time it was found, even though she had an exam every 6 months, it hit her hard and took her fast within 6 months she was gone, but just before my sister passed, my elderly friend passed.  It was all over in 4 years, and in those 4 years, there was never an uneventful day.

Needless to say, during the whole 4 years,  I was feeling all kinds of bad and even though I had a primary care doctor, and I did blood work and exam every 6 months,  all I was told was to try to relax more, eat nutritional foods, exercise more, lose weight.

MY blood showed high white count, I was sent to a hematologist, sent for sonograms, X-rays, endoscopies, gallbladder testing, vascular specialist, etc etc etc…they could not give me an answer…my feet were turning black, and my legs swelling double size, my hair falling out, and soon I could hardly walk or get in or out of bed…I was scheduled to see a new doctor, who sent me straight to the hospital, where I was finally diagnosed with end stage liver failure,  and soon put on the list for a liver transplant.

I had my transplant on October 16, 2004.  As I was going through all the testing before the transplant, I kept thinking Dan was probably going through almost the same testing, I always said a little prayer for Dan and myself…

Mayo clinic tested me and my liver extensively to determine the cause and could not say why this happened to me, but deep down I believe my body just could not handle the stress.

Sorry to be so long winded, there is so much more I could add to the story.

I thought I was a strong person, but I believe my desire to take care of my loved ones, me feeling I had to do it, was mostly  the cause of my liver transplant.  Stress is a killer.

My husband was care giver for me when I was so sick, he did an excellent job and I thank him so much.

Being sick is mean, you feel bad and you can’t do anything much for yourself…I was so close to death when I finally got my transplant, that I had lost almost total use of my muscles, so I had to be pushed in a wheelchair, helped to the toilet, held in the shower, I would try to do it myself, because the human spirit won’t give up, but I would collapse and have to be picked up.  He never got angry, he never got impatient, he just did his best and I love him so much for his care.

When you are sick, you want your loved ones close by, not strangers.

I pray we never have to be a caregiver again, but when you love that person needing care, you will never refuse.

I know Jean, what you did for Dan, I have seen the evil cancer up close and ugly, and  I admire you so much for your strength, the loss you feel after is so deep. The mental stress is almost unbearable.

Bless you ……
CK