I was not aware of your site until yesterday and would like to share a bit about my father, Stephen, whom I lost almost two years ago to Alzheimer’s. He was a wonderful man, full of life and love, and he taught me to be the same way, though I could never pull it off as well as he could. When my father was first diagnosed, I felt as if the doctors must have been mistaken. But, over time too short, the unmistakable signs were there more and more often.
At first, I was frightened to be his caregiver. Then, I embraced it. It was not long before my father became bedridden. Years before, when Leader of the Band was released, I had the chorus drawn in calligraphy. I framed it and presented it to my father that Christmas. It became “our song” and now sat at his bedside. I left his house every night in tears but with the satisfaction of knowing that I was doing everything I could to thank him for the life he had created for me. All of my sacrifices were worth hearing one of the last coherent things he said to me – “you’re a good son”.
My father passed away on March 31, 2009. I was holding his hand when he took his last breath and watched a tear leave his eye. I would have given anything to be somewhere else, for that moment will be with me forever, but I would not have taken all the money in the world to have left his bedside. I often turn to Dan’s lyrics, finding comfort in his vision, helping me through the most difficult moments. And now, I have your site to turn to as well. God Bless all caregivers. I wish you all the best for
2011.
Thank you.
John K
Welcome to DLH John. I can relate what you said in the way of being with your dad when he died and wishing you weren’t there because of the painful memory of that final breath and not being willing to trade that for anything else in the world. Like Jean said – the pain doesn’t go away. For me it changes, ebbs and flows. Then sometimes I remember other events that happened around the same time that were positive and happy. I wish you all the best for this new year! Look forward to hearing how you are and how you are doing.
Marietta
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Dear John, indeed you are a good son and what more could we all ask for then to pass on with our loved ones by our side too someday. I also have a mother who suffers from Alzheimers and I suffer too from it with her just as you did with your dad. I hope when the day comes, I too will be there to comfort her and hold her hand. Your story is beautiful and touching. Thank you for sharing your dad and your story with us. God Bless you and your dear dad always.
Karen
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Thank you for sharing so from your heart John. Your words are just beautiful. Have a wonderful 2011! Joan
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John, what you wrote is so beautiful, and clearly illustrates what caregivers go through when they see their loved ones through to the end. We come away with a happiness that we were able to be there for them to the very end, but we also come away with the painful memory of watching them die along with everything a death by illness entails. I wish I could say that pain goes away, but the memories hurt because we still love them – as long as we love them we’ll cringe at the thought of their ordeal. Unfortunately, we can’t have one without the other. Please consider that pain a badge of honor, you earned it. ~ Jean
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John,
What a wonderful son and caregiver you are and were to your dad. You said things I have thought about regarding having the strength to be there at the very end. May you find peace in knowing you are the man your dad wanted you to be. So glad you found DLH, it truly is a blessing for all that dwell here. Wishing you a healthy and happy 2011.
~Char
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