OUR STORIES
Every family is different. Every disease has its own challenges.
But by reading what other caregivers went through; how they met challenges; the solutions they found and lessons they learned, you will share in their hard-won knowledge. You may be able to avoid problems, or at least know how to deal with those problems as they arise. But mostly, you will realize that you aren’t alone in what you’re going through.
Our caregiver stories are in the sidebar on the left. They are listed by caregiver name, with keywords to help you find the disease you and your loved one are dealing with right now.
We welcome your story or memoriam. You can send us your story by clicking on the “Contact Us” button.
Thank you for sharing.
It’s been 12 days since my stepfather passed away from Prostate Cancer. The doctor estimated that he had 3-4 days left and to call any loved ones that would want to say goodbye. Until that day, were were told he had 3-4 months. It was a shock. The doctor needed to know if my stepdad wanted to be in the hospital or if he wanted to remain at home. He wanted to die at home and Hospice was called. The Hospice nurse arrived within the hour and by late afternoon, all medical supplies, hospital bed, oxygen, etc. had been delivered. He didn’t require any pain medication until the last few days. He held on for a week and a half, not 3 days. We were with him around the clock. One night, we made my mom go lay down in bed, promising we would wake her in an hour. Twenty minutes later, we found her in his room, curled up in a chair, her hand on his arm, fast asleep. By this time, he hadn’t been responsive since the prior day. I went to the other side of the bed held his hand and felt the tiniest grip of his fingers around mine. Was it just reflex, possibly, I think not. I believe in GOD, yet always feared the unknown. I was in his room when he passed and was given the greatest gift I will ever receive. That fear is gone. I can’t explain why, it’s just a peacefulness inside of me that didn’t exist before. Our hospice nurse was, IS an angel on earth. We were so afraid to hurt him, medicate, not medicate. She repeatedly told us what a great job we were doing. She could feel the love from all of us. Unfortunately, many of her patients aren’t surrounded by love. She lost her own husband 4 years ago and was a wonderful support for my mom. If I had no other reason to love him,(I have many), I would love him for simply loving my mom. So, we move on from here, a day, moment at a time. He is free from pain, prodding, tests, etc. He is in a better place, we are the selfish ones, just one more day to talk to him, look at him, laugh. What we wouldn’t give…
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Lisa
How sorry I am for you and your mom on the loss of your step dad.. I can find no words to describe the angels working for hospice. They have been placed on this earth to help us pass in a private, loving , and caring situation, with dignity. I am so happy for the peace you are feeling inside, and thank you for your posting. We all need positive reinforcement, and you just said a mouthful. My thoughts are with you and your family.
With Sincere Sympathy
~Char
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Char & Joan,
Thank you for your sympathy and blessings. Anyone who has experienced loss, understands how much the kindness of others helps the healing process.
Lisa
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I am an RN and love hospice, it is a joy to care for humans in their last days and to comfort the family around them. It is a privilege to do so. God bless you in your grief and loss,
Darcy
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Welcome, Darcy. We’re glad you’re here – nurses rock.
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Dear Darcy,
What an angel you are, helping and caring for souls in their final days. My Dad passed in hospice and my friend in hospital, the feel, the look, the difference was tremendous. Hospice,is such a loving, peaceful environment.
Thank you Darcy for being you, please know we can never repay you enough for the great undertaking you have been called into service for as a nurse.
Warmly,
~Char
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Oh Lisa – I am sitting here bawling, loving your words, feeling the feelings. You described your feelings about your stepfather perfectly. How perfectly they also fit my feelings – to a tee! Fear of the unknown is terrible, even with tremendous faith. How honored I was to be with my Dad when he passed. Thank you so much for sharing with us! Many blessings & comfort are hoped for you & your Mom. Gratitude is a wonderful place to be, is it not??? Joan
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Lisa, I’m so sorry for the loss of your step-dad. It is a story of a passing that is so beautiful and peaceful though. I can relate to that part about the gift, I think I know what you mean, as I felt that too when my brother died. When I learned we lost him, indeed I was devastated even to the point where I lost my voice temporarily right after hearing the news and suffered with a strange & uncomfortable sensation in my throat for months after as my throat felt constricted, but that gift you mentioned, that feeling like I didn’t need to fear death anymore was strangely there nonetheless right away and I too felt like it was something given to me somehow from my brother. My nieces said they felt it too when I saw them at his funeral. And yes, agreed as well – what we wouldn’t give for one more moment, so true. Peace Lisa, thanks for sharing him with us, big hugs, Karen
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Good to hear from you, Connie. One of the many things I love about DLH, is that we are in the same boat. Every once in awhile one of us, falls out and has to tread water. Those of us still “lucky” enough to be in the boat, will always lend a hand to get ya back onboard. Hope you are coping and doing well.
~Char
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Thank you for all the support I received. Mom passed away on February 23. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you this sooner. The past 3 months were a whirlwind of doctor’s appts., keeping mom at my house until she was too weak, putting her in a nursing home and keeping an eye on her there, then her death. She was only in the nursing home for 13 days. Everything happened so fast. Now I am cleaning out her things. I have made it through another blessing as a caregiver. I know I did my best. I think she felt that way, too.
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Connie, all the words we say at this time are trite and over-used, simply because they are the only words we have. They are, nonetheless, heart-felt: I’m sorry for your loss. I’m glad your mother had a good, long life and that she didn’t suffer a prolonged illness.
You were a good daughter to a good mother – what an incredible blessing, how lucky you both were. Remember, many of the memories that make you cry today are the same memories that will one day make you smile, so hold them close. ~ Jean
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Thank you so much, Jean.
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Hi Connie – Just checking in to let you know I am thinking of you and wondering how you all are doing. Joan
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Thank you Joan. Check my latest response. I’m sorry I was so slow in responding.
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Connie – How nice to hear from you. Understandably, you have had so much to deal with. We recently traveled through a similar path in the last 6 months, times 2.
I am sorry you have lost your Mom. And I am confident she knew what a wonderful, loving daughter she raised. I wish you peace in your heart & in your mind, and sweet rest to get you through the remaining difficult days.
{{{Hugs}}} Joan
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Connie, my thoughts are with you. And you can do this. Ask for help when you need it and don’t forget to take care of yourself. During trying times like these we tend to operate on auto-pilot. Only after the crisis has passed do we ever wonder how we actually got through it. So allow your auto-pilot to kick in and know that many people are thinking of you. Many blessings…
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Thank you. I appreciate everything you said.
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Oh Connie, my heart is hurting for you. We just went through a situation involving a family member with a brain tumor. My prayers are with you and your Mom. You will learn & experience much. I know you are a strong person. Let the love you have for your Mother be your guide as you face each day’s decisions and emotions. May God bless you! Joan
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I know I have been blessed with these opportunities to care for loved ones. I will make it.
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Hello Connie,
You have been through so much, and you sound like a very strong woman. I too know you can do this, but please don’t forget to go easy on yourself. My thoughts are with you and your Mom today. You have done a remarkable job in the care giving of both your husband and son. I believe your courageous spirit and your ability to give care will get you through this journey. You have my respect.
~Char
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Thank you. Mom made it through the biopsy and we will see how severe the tumor is. The surgeon says they think it is stage 3 or 4. He said she will not get better. More appts. to come.
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We are all with you Connie,as you care for your wonderful mom. Please remember to take a moment to exhale and take care of yourself, so you will be able to care for mom ” the one that has loved you since birth” Thinking of you and sending out warm thoughts.
~Char
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I posted before that my husband was diagnosed with Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma in 2005 and is now cancer free. In 2007, my 15-year-old son had Spinal Rod and Fusion Surgery. Two months out of school, with me as his tutor, and lots of worry later, he is doing great. Now, my mom is 88. She is a very young 88 I must admit. Around Chritmas, we noticed she was not responding to questions. Confusion, mixing words, or not even being able to think of words came on almost overnight. I thought dementia was setting in. After an MRI, she was diagnosed with 3 brain tumors that appear to be malignant. She will have a biopsy on Jan 20. Then, she will be staying at my house following the surgery. Her digression into confusion and inability to speak is becoming more prevalent everyday. I can’t even stand the thought of living without the one who loves me and has loved me since birth. But, I know she doesn’t want to be mentally impaired, either. For the 3rd time in 6 years, I am in the caregiver role. I can do this, I can do this…..
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Hi Connie,
As I was going through some comments, your’s popped up, so I am thinking of you and wondering how things are. You must be taking care of Mom now after her surgery, I realize how busy you must be, and hope you are able to get a minute or two for you.
~Char
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Thank you for caring so much. I hardly had time to breathe the past 3 months. I just got on here today and saw your comment. Mom went to be with the Lord on Feb. 23. I am coping.
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Dearest Connie,
Please accept my sincere condolences on the loss of your mother. I can not imagine the feelings you must be working through at this time, less than two months from her passing. You need to grieve and rest. You know you gave her your all, as she once did for you, as your loving mother. My thoughts are with you today hoping you will go easy on yourself, as you go about cleaning out your mom’s things.
I hope your son and husband are by your side, all united with warm memories. Please come back to DLH,when you feel you can, and let us know how you are doing. We are here for you.
~Char
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I was just going through the comments that were made during and after my mom’s passing. Thank you so much for all the condolences and encouragement. We may have never met, but please know you are a blessing.
Connie
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Connie, you’ve been through so much; so many caregiver roles – wife, mother, daughter. Time to rest and take care of you. You must lavish yourself with the love and attention you give your loved ones so you can heal. It will take time – take it. ~ Jean
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God bless you connie,as an RN let me know if I can be aof any help or comfort to you.I can research as well if you’d like……Darcy
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