I miss you.
Silly you, happy you, interested you.

I’m learning to live with
Distracted you, frightened you, silent you
Parts of you I knew from before
But somehow different now.
Bigger. Darker.

Even your face
The face I still love so much
changes daily
As your body adapts
And absorbs
And fights against
The meds.

Sometimes I catch a glimpse of you
You from before
The diagnosis.
I live for those sometimes.
They comfort and fill me
And get me through
Until the next time
I see you.

But today
I see you
In your new

I know
You miss you too.
Silly you, happy you, interested you.
Strong You.
Healthy you.

We’re like roommates now
In love with the same man
Lying quietly in the dark
Missing him
Praying for his return
Fearing he’s gone forever.



For Char.

Copyright © Jean Fogelberg. All rights reserved.

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25 Responses to I Miss You

  1. Melinda Larkin says:

    I can’t thank you enough for this site. I head here regularly to make sense of situations I find myself in as I take care of an aging mother and four children with all their individual challenges. I always find comfort and insights even if our challenges are different. Thank you for providing a place to go and find solace! ♡

    • Jean F says:

      <3 back at you, Melinda. You certainly have your hands full.

    • Tony D says:

      Quintuple caregiving and Super Mom moments – you might be setting some kind of record there…

      Your mother is so fortunate, and your kids are picking up lessons that will serve them all of their lives. That is so very impressive on many levels!!

  2. Heather says:

    wow that is beautiful… and sad… My brother in law lost his wife… my sister in 2010 and he grieved terribly then we lost him two years later…Now I’m raising their daughter who has delved into the world of drugs for comfort… and there are days that I so need to cry but cant…there is too much to do…

    but thank you for this website and for keeping Dan’s memories alive…I so loved his music…I think I have everything he put out on vinyl, tapes, and cd’s… would go to his concerts and get as close of seats as possible…… he was quite the comedian on stage…beautiful heart…

    • Tony D says:

      Heather, that’s a tough spot you have landed in, but clearly, your heart is in the right place. Dealing with a child who is into drugs is a tough row to hoe, and likely not one that you can traverse alone. There are resources you can turn to by searching the internet, and there are likely local resources available in the form of drug counseling for her… Avail yourself of the options, there is a substitute for drugs, and for your niece’s sake, I hope you find one for her.

      You can allow yourself the option to cry if you have to – no one is made of granite, everyone has the moment where you just let it out. If you can’t do that in your everyday life, I’m quite certain you can do it here…

      As much as you feel there is to do, take care of yourself – a charged up you is necessary to deal with your situation. Don’t let yourself get beaten to the point where you are tempted to throw up your hands and give up…

      You didn’t ask for this, but you have jumped right in. In and of itself, that’s pretty incredible! Take advantage of what is out there to help you, I’m wishing you all the success in the world.

      Peace…… Tony

  3. Barbara says:

    Wow, what powerful words…I always wondered what was being felt during his illness.

    I am not a caregiver but a survivor of losing my twin brother and father within a year of each other. Both deaths were unexpected but with my Dad, we had to remove him from a machine – his wish but hard just the same.
    I always say, forever is a good word and bad word at the same time, but I am finding peace.

    Thanks Jean for Don’t lose Heart :)


  4. Susan W says:

    Every day is another loss. I told this to my beloved yesterday. I am missing us, and he is still here. Thank you for your words.


  5. Terese says:

    Lovely truth, lovely wisdom. Thank you. You touched my heart.


  6. Cindy C says:

    Such beautiful,lilting,and heartfelt words. It is so true that elegance requires only the minimum of words as shown here. Thank you for sharing something that touches one to the soul and back again. And there are very few as deserving of such beauty and truth than Char.

    • Char says:

      Thank you Cindy.. this piece is all you have said and more. Some days, ah yes… some of those days are harder than others, and these beautiful heartfelt words.. are so much needed by many that care for their loved ones, while in fear of losing bits and pieces of them daily.. I thank you again Jean.

      • Cindy C says:

        You remain, as always, in our thoughts and prayers for your strength, endurance, and peace of mind. All of us who visit here cannot but know the wonder that is Char and only want the very best for her. May your kind spirit guide and strengthen you in these hard moments of life.

        • char says:

          CindyC… you inspire me and all of us.. thank you dear one, here at DLH we are all in the same game… sometimes we win and sometimes the game is called on account of rain… xoxoxox to you and ALL.

  7. Bev Clay -Rothgeb says:

    I love you, Char. Jean, such beautiful words and love to you, also.. We are all lucky to have the two of you to help us keep going and I know that sometimes, I get overwhelmed with my own difficulties, but I never fail to think a happy thought for the two of you every day. (((((((Char and Jean))))))))

    • Char says:

      And I adore you Bev. Basically I think we are all in the same boat with different paddles, at different times.. Thank God DLH has life boats, ah yes our fellow caregivers, to help us realize that things fall into place….it just takes time. We are extremely lucky to have each other, aren’t we?

    • Pamela A. says:

      I feel the same as you…Jean and Char are so important. Just knowing they think of me, and I of them. It knits a little extra soft place into my network and keeps me from losing my cool. I think of everyone on this site and wish you all the happiness all of us deserve. God bless.

  8. Molly says:

    So much truth in these words, Jean…Hugs, Char.

  9. Marietta says:

    Beautiful! {{{Char}}}

  10. Em says:

    Your words are so beautiful and sadly true. I don’t remember the exact line of demarcation between my healthy Dad quick to laugh and always ready with a big bear hug and the man he was in the last months, then weeks of his life. He was withered and lost to his own self. And I can’t imagine how more difficult that would be to endure with someone who was young and vibrant and the love of your life. And yet we know loss is loss, and love is love, but eventually they are one in the same.

  11. Susan D. says:

    I wanted to respond to this…it’s so achingly beautiful and heart-breaking sad at the same time. I wish there were magic words to say, but I don’t know what they might be. As the other Susan said, Hugs! Perhaps we can all join together for a giant virtual hug.

  12. Susan N says:

    No words necessary. Beautiful. Hugs!

  13. char says:

    I wish I had words.. instead of tears.. Thank you dear one.. thank you.

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