Marilyn Mahan Parrish
1949 – 2010
In memory of my dear friend, neighbor, “sister”, Marilyn Parrish:
When I first met Marilyn, she and her husband Ed were the newcomers to the block. We began our friendship with the occasional chat over the back fence or neighborhood get-together, usually organized by Marilyn. I had known her for over a year when she mentioned her bad limp. I was stunned. I had never noticed it. She explained that at the age of three, she was struck by polio, put in an “iron lung”, and remained there for over a year. The result was she had a very weak leg and arm. Of course, I had not noticed the limp. In conversation with her, it was impossible to focus on anything but her dancing blue eyes, the animated expressions, the witty stories, the big-as-Texas laugh.
She married at a young age, had two daughters, and became a single mother. While raising her young daughters, she worked three part-time jobs to put herself through college, earning an Associate, Bachelor, and Master of Arts degree in English Literature. Nothing stopped Marilyn.
Several years after we met, Marilyn fell on the stairway and broke her stronger leg. Knowing that she would be confined to a wheel chair for several months while her leg healed, she made the decision to relinquish her professorship at the university. She spent her days organizing her many books and photo albums. But as soon as she could walk again, she chose to go through docent training, and began conducting tours at the art museum. I know that all the walking must have been difficult for her. Did I mention that nothing stopped Marilyn?
Marilyn’s oldest daughter was diagnosed with leukemia. A year later, my sister and father were both diagnosed with cancer. Her daughter lost her battle with cancer one week after my sister died. Marilyn and I checked in with each other frequently to see if the other needed anything from the store, or just to catch up. One day she said, “Peggy, I’m just eating like a second-grader. Let’s go out and have a good lunch tomorrow”. And so it began; for many years, we had a standing weekly lunch date. Not to my credit, it was never a pity-party. If I could have bottled and sold Marilyn’s humor, everyone that bought would be wealthy.
My favorite outing with Marilyn began with lunch at a lovely tea room in the historic part of town. Since it was a perfect spring day, we drove to our favorite plant nursery and filled the back seat of her convertible with rose bushes. During the trip home, we laughed at how silly we must look wearing our Hollywood sunglasses, Marilyn’s big Texas hair blowing in the wind, my pixie-cut sticking straight up, with all those rose bushes bulging out of the back of the car. Gotta love crazy old women!
Three years ago, Marilyn suddenly lost feeling in her leg and could not stand. After weeks in the hospital, and numerous visits to specialists, it was determined that she had a cyst on her spine. She recovered from the subsequent surgery, but never regained the ability to walk. With the help of her dear husband, she got dressed and left the house every day. She began to give book readings at local bookstores and churches. And again, nothing stopped Marilyn.
It was during this time that she first began to talk about Post-Polio Syndrome, a condition that affects some polio survivors years after recovery. Initially, the doctors had a difficult time diagnosing the cyst on her spine, because they thought the symptoms pointed to Post-Polio Syndrome.
Last December, I received a call from Marilyn’s husband. He sounded panicked and worried. He had rushed Marilyn to the ER, because she was disoriented and turning blue. This time, the diagnosis was Post-Polio Syndrome. She slipped into a coma shortly after entering the hospital. The following week, she was transferred to Hospice Care, and died the next week. And yet, nothing stopped Marilyn, for she lives in my heart as my friend, my mentor-in-life, my “sister”.
It is estimated that more that 440,000 polio survivors in the U.S. may be at risk to develop Post-Polio Syndrome (PPS). If you know a polio survivor, please take the time to educate yourself about PPS. Unlike Marilyn’s case, the symptoms may start very gradually, and there is a wide variance of severity. The National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke provide information about symptoms, diagnosis, treatment, and research.
http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/post_polio/detail_post_polio.htm
Also, you may want to check with your local Rotary Club. Rotary International has a mission to eradicate polio world wide, and features speakers and can provide information on PPS.
~ Peggy
You’ve been gone a year today.
Vaya con dios, mi esposa.
ed
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It was a year ago, this very minute, that I tricked you by telling you we were going for burgers and took you to the doctor instead because you were hallucinating. You were furious with me and argued with me all the way from the car to the treatment room, but the doctor sent you by ambulance to the hospital.
Twelve days later you were gone.
Impossible.
I love you and miss you.
ed
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Ed, you did the right thing for Marilyn on that day, I know it was very difficult for you. I’m sorry your memory of a Thanksgiving past is a sad one. The one I hold on to is a beautiful one – 1996, our first Thanksgiving together, and we were so madly in love. I know December will be tough as Christmas gets closer, deal with it as you must, to get through it.
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Ed,
A year is such a short period of time, I am sorry that it had to be a holiday, to make it feel all the more raw. You did the right thing, how hard it must have been for you, and still is. Sending warm thoughts your way today, as you get by your “first”,
~Char
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Ed, please accept my condolences.
–David Martel
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Marilyn is my beloved Mother. This was such a beautiful write up. I know she loved Ed dearly and all of her dear friends in Wichita. She loved that precious house, her roses, eating out with friends and her book reviews. I remember when she first moved to Wichita- she was not too happy, but after she and Ed bought their precious house and they started meeting such wonderful friends- she really loved it. I dearly miss my Mother- everyday I think of her. I then have to also remember her hilarious comments and sense of humor and I find myself laughing instead of crying. I love you and miss you Mother!!
Thanks to Ed and all of her dear friends!!
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Dear Christen,
Your mother was so loved by all that knew her, and now by DLH. It seems she loved life, and all it offered her, the ups and even the downs. I am truly sorry for her passing and for your profound loss. Laughing is good for the soul, but crying does clear out those tear ducts, so laugh when you can, and cry when you have to, ya know it’s all part of the plan. Thank you for visiting us at DLH, and it’s wonderful to see photos of your very beautiful mom.
~Char
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Dear Christen, I am so very sorry for your loss. Countless times, I sat with your mother on the porch of that precious house, laughing, and loving the roses. Her phone would ring, and her eyes would light up as she answered, and she’d mouth to me “It’s Christen”. She loved you so. I cry and laugh with you each day, and I’m sending you a big hug. Take very good care of yourself, sweetie.
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It was wonderful to read about Marilyn from a friend’s perspective. I worked with Ed for many years and shared Marilyn thru him. I knew Marilyn was someone very special because Ed was to head-over-heels in love with her. Ed is himself an amazing spirit and the Gift IS that they found each other. We all hope to leave some kind of legacy in this mortal world so we won’t be forgotten when we move on to the neft place, and I can think of no more appropriate legacy for Marilyn than this story from her friend and the story from her husband. Someone like Marilyn will not pass this way again . . . and maybe that is appropriate when the mold was obviously broken after Marilyn hit the ground “running!”
Ed – - LOVE YOU!!!
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Marilyn has been my best friend since we were in sixth grade. I love her and miss her very much. The best thing is that God gave Marilyn and Ed to each other!
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Peggy,
I had no idea this website even existed until this morning when Annie Roebuck, another of Marilyn’s pals, sent me the link to your page.
This is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen written about the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen — and you are SPOT ON in your description of our fierce, funny, fun girl. I say, “our” girl because she was generous enough to marry me, and generous enough to use our marriage as a foundation for making and keeping her broad array of friendships. I swear, everybody who ever met her fell in love with her.
I, like you, didn’t notice she limped until we’d been dating for quite some time, and she showed me the surgery scars on her whithered leg and told me about her early childhood in the iron lung. To this day, I still remember seeing only her flashing eyes and amazing smile backed up by that fiery soul — each and every time I looked at her. I know she hurt every day of her life, but I don’t think SHE knew it. There wasn’t an ounce of self pity in her, and she wouldn’t tolerate it in anyone else either.
Well, you get yourself a “smokin’ hot” Z-28 for a wife, and you buy her a smokin’ hot Z-28 to drive; hence, her wedding present — the convertible you described, and in which she had so much fun. (I was only allowed to drive it short distances and under adult supervision.
) It’s been adopted — at Marilyn’s insistence of course — by her selling it two months before she died to the owner of the service station where they took perfect care of it — and continue to do so. She made friends of the mechanics there too. Brought them donuts whenever she dropped by for gas or brought her ride in for its 3,000 mile maintenance or a little work. They even came to the hospital when she was dying and I saw one of them crying at her memorial ceremony.
“Nothing stopped Marilyn.” Right. Damn right. She’s still fighting polio. Since her death, she’s donated $5,500 to the Rotary Foundation-Polio in the form of tributes from her friends and all the fees and gratuities for my magic shows.
I am so very proud to have been that amazing woman’s husband.
I am so very grateful to you for this moving, perfect description you’ve written about her.
Thank you,
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Ed, my condolences on the loss of your beloved Marilyn. I’m so glad Peggy wrote about her here, and so eloquently.
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Ed,
Being the charismatic, ball of fire and light your Marilyn was, it seems only fitting she found you, as you sound like the perfect match. I am truly sorry for your loss, your Marily was a sweet soul sent from heaven.
~Char
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Dear Peggy and Ed, Marilyn touched so many lives through her beautiful bright spirit and amazing tenacity and she continues to delight even now by you sharing her joyous and triumphant life with us. Hers was another life well lived. Thank you for sharing her with us. Karen
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Enjoyed so much the visits to Wichita – to the Castle, the bookstore, the art museum, sitting on the front porch looking at the roses and watching the ducks parade past! Wish I could have spent more time with Marilyn! The last visit was so special – when she organized the surprise birthday party for Virgene in Dallas, thinking her mother might not make it another year to that 80-year milestone. Maybe Marilyn knew, somehow ,that she would not be here the next year, and gave that beautiful gift to her mother in advance. Wonderful memories!
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Ed,
Thank you. Thank you for taking such good care of our girl. She not only loved you, she adored you.
Peggy
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Jean, my intent in writing this was to honor my friend and to share about PPS. I did not realize that I had not allowed myself to grieve for Marilyn. As the words began to flow, so did the tears, the love, the memories. Thanks to you and this website, I have begun to mend my heart. Now it is time to tend my roses. – Peggy
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Hi Peggy,
What a beautiful way to honor a beautiful woman. DLH is such a oasis for many of us, that have to “hide” or ignore the feelings we have, as we care for our loved ones. DLH, lets me…” let it all hang out”, ok…. there are some restrictions!
Your friend sounds so much like the one I lost in 1997, she was 44, with two small boys. Her wacky humor and determination to win out over breast cancer, helped her survive for 7 years after being diagnosed. Hard to feel they are ever gone, I still laugh as I remember some of her antics, and she usually laughs back
Thank you for the information on PPS, it is invaluable.
~Char
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Char, I am so sorry about the loss of your friend. They are never really gone from us as long as we can hear that laughter.
Thank you for this website and for all you do. I found DLH just in the past week. Yesterday, a coworker updated me on his and his wife’s struggles to find an affordable, comfortable nursing care facility for her father. He was concerned that his wife was having a rough time with the emotions that come with these difficult decisions. A week ago, I would have struggled for the “perfect” thing to say. I jotted down the DLH web address, and explained I knew she had little time right now, but that DLH is a good resource for caregivers. Thank you for making it possible for me to offer more than “I’m so sorry to hear that. Tell her I’m thinking of her”.
Kudos to you, Jean, and the volunteers.
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Peggy, my condolences on the loss of your soul sister, Marilyn. It’s our loss as well – the world needs all the Marilyns it can get. I love the image of the two of you driving with your sunglasses and roses – Thelma and Louise Go To The Nursery. Thanks for sharing Marilyn with us today, and for the information about PPS. ~ Jean
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