INFO ON THE WEB
In the sidebar to the left you’ll find the following topic pages under Information:
- Caregiver Websites
Links to great caregiver sites providing information, tips, education, resources, support, and assistance. - Asking For Help
Getting help so you can take much-needed breaks is more important than you realize. Once you start getting those breaks, you’ll notice how much better you feel, both physically and mentally. This page has information and links to websites about Home Care help and Hospice in-home help. You might be surprised to find out what Hospice is really about. - Stress/Depression
Information and links. Caregiver stress and depression are dangerous and need to be acknowledged. Get help. - Guilt/Your Heart
Guilt is a natural emotion for both the care giver and care receiver. Don’t let the guilt keep you from getting the help you need. - Loss/Grief
Once you’ve lost a loved one, especially after a long battle with an illness, you’ve entered new territory. Those of us who’ve gone before you are here to let you know that you’ll make it through. - Regret
As potent as depression, guilt, and grief; regret can be devastating. - Sleep Aids
The different kinds of prescription, non-prescription, and homeopathic sleep aids. - Pain Relievers
The different kinds of prescription and non-prescription pain relievers, what kind of pain they are good for, side effects, and more. - Helpful Products
Things to make life a little easier for the caregiver or the person who is finding it more difficult to see, hear, or get around. - Family! Siblings!!
Resources for dealing with the complications of family dynamics. - Caring For Our Parents
Links to websites and forums. - Caring For Our Veterans
Articles, links, videos, crisis line, and pamphlets for caregivers of wounded veterans. - Financial Aid
Almost everyone lives paycheck-to-paycheck, and when the extra responsibility of being a family caregiver for a loved one is added to an already costly equation, you’ve got a situation that stretches way beyond anyone’s financial imagination or reality. This page has information and links. Look up your state and find out what kind of assistance is available to you. - Wills & Trusts
Wills, Living Wills, Trusts, Living Trusts, and Power Of Attorney? If you have any assets you want to leave to loved ones or friends, you should have documents stating who, what, and how much. If you have wishes regarding how you would want to be cared for if you were unable to make your wishes known, it’s important that you make those wishes known, so the state doesn’t decide for you. If you die without a will, your heirs would have the costly and difficult job of dealing with the court system to carry out your wishes. This page addresses the differences in these documents so you can decide what’s right for you, as well as online document resources vs. finding the right lawyer. - Home, Hospice, Assisted Living, or Special Care Unit?
One out of every four caregivers lives with the elderly or disabled relative he or she cares for. This arrangement can have many positives. But it’s not right for everyone. Take the time to consider the information on this page when deciding where your loved one will receive the best care. - Clinical Trials
Clinical trials are sometimes thought of as a last resort, for people who have run out of treatment options. But enrolling in a clinical trial may also present patients with the opportunity to receive promising new treatments. This page has links to help you find clinical trials. - Prevention, Treatment, Drugs, Nutrition
Links to sites that offer: information on over 24,000 prescription and over the counter medicines; help keeping track of your medications, answers about how to administer them; prevention and treatment for some common conditions; the best foods you can eat for your health. - Caregiver Brochures
Order our caregiver brochures to help spread the word to other caregivers. - How To Search The Internet
How to use the internet to search for conditions, symptoms, treatments, etc. Links to help you research the disease you’re dealing with: trusted and established websites and organizations, latest news, support groups.
In order for you to stay healthy yourself, it’s important that you’re aware of the serious health risks related to the medically recognized condition known as Caregiver Syndrome, or Caregiver Stress Syndrome. As you will read in our stories, many of us developed permanent health issues directly related to the stress of being a caregiver. We want you to avoid having to deal with a life-long or life-threatening illness such as High Blood Pressure, Type II Diabetes, Heart Disease or a compromised immune system (just to name a few), so I’ve compiled information, links, recommendations, and recipes to help you maintain or regain your mental and physical health during this demanding time.
When you’re caring for someone who’s very sick, you feel guilty complaining about your own health. You tell yourself you should just be grateful you aren’t dealing with anything serious. You tell yourself the symptoms you’re experiencing will go away eventually, you just have to “tough it out”. I’m not here to add to your stress, I’m just trying to make sure you’re aware of the risks, and to encourage you to take your symptoms seriously, and ask for help when you need it.
There are many options and considerations. Can your loved one stay in their own home safely? Is caring for them in your own home wise, and could you get some financial help? Could you benefit from Hospice lending a hand? Is assisted living the most health conscious and responsible decision for you and your loved one?
Knowledge is power, and the more you know about the disease you’re fighting, the better your chances of beating it. Know what your options are, and what questions to ask your doctor. Yes, it can be scary reading about your loved one’s illness. But better you than them. Some websites don’t consider your feelings, they are just intent on putting the information out there. I’ve tried to find helpful sites that will provide the best and most varied information without a lot of doom and gloom thrown in. Believe me, it’s better to do this now than to find out later that a doctor you counted on wasn’t the best person to put your trust in.
Hope, love, and friendship can be the most powerful weapons of all, and many times the people who care about you are just wishing there was some way they could help. Give them that chance, it can actually reduce some of their stress if they feel like they are doing something constructive. And if you don’t have a friend or loved one nearby to help, consider the other options out there. Getting the help you need, even for a few hours a week, could be a great boost to your physical and mental well-being.
Be well, and don’t lose heart.
Jean F.
Hi everyone!
Hope you all have a happy Halloween-either accompanying little ones or handing out treats to the costumed kiddos
I am starting to work on a correspondence course to build up my continuing education hours (to renew my RN license). The book/course is about providing nursing care to the older adult population. If I stumble upon any helpful info., I will post it on this site 
The book covers topics in great detail, so if you have any questions, toss them out, and I’ll see if I might have some information and answers….
Take care,
Ann
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Hey everyone,
Please just keep my dad (and mom) in your prayers. Nothing majorly serious at this point. I wrote last week that my dad was hospitalized with gastroenteritis. I thought he was just fine after, but my mom e-mailed and said that Dad was not feeling at all well Tuesday evening (the 14th.) At supper, he said he hurt all over and then vomited. Thank God for brother, Brian, & sister-in-law, Judy (an RN). They are ANGELS on earth, I tell you. At the hospital, a CT Scan of his bladder showed that he was not being able to empty his bladder well. He has had problems with his prostate being enlarged, but at age 82, I’m hoping that’s not going to be too concerning. My parents are waiting to hear from the urologist’s office. We are assuming they will try to use a med like Flomax 1st, to attempt to reduce the size of the prostate (The prostate is placing pressure on his urethra, so right now he has a catheter). I guess if medication doesn’t work, they will have to do surgery, which again I think is not uncommon.
In addition, Dad has always been kind of a sensitive, sometimes socially anxious guy. After a stroke, it’s common for anyone to cry, get anxious, etc., more easily, but because I think of Dad’s predisposition, the symptoms are worse for him. Plus my mom just told me yesterday that Dad has “mild COPD”, and his breathing in general has become more labored. Therefore, our family agrees that Dad would benefit from an anti-anxiety medication-at least on an as needed basis. As others of you have mentioned about your loved ones, Dad gets upset when he is ill, vomits, etc., and then he starts to panic and his breathing just becomes difficult. Kind of a panic attack. Both my mom and brother both said that Dad was just shaking all over by the time they got him to the hospital Tuesday….my poor papa-the image just brings tears to my eyes. He’s always been such a gentle, loving man. I’m going to talk to my mom, too, to see if she feels she also needs something for anxiety/depression. She said “my nerves are on edge.” My fear about her is that she is so stoic, she won’t want to have anything to do with that type of med. I’ll tell you though, that woman has been a WONDERFUL caregiver, though she sometimes loses patience when my dad get kind of “antsy”
She’s been taking care of him since he came home from post-stroke rehab in Oct/Nov, 2007. Not easy, as she will turn 80 on the 22nd of this month herself.
Anyway, I’m listening to Dan’s music now, and it is so soothing and reassuring. I’d like to think he is looking out for my dad and is glad that Dad/Mom have kept on top of Dad’s prostate issues
God Bless you all…..your support has meant more than you know. I am so glad I had the chance to meet many of you in Peoria. Karen, I did get your nice e-mail, and I will get back in touch w/you for sure. Has been crazy around here with the 2 girls back in school. Allison (a junior) is swamped with cross country, piano, and classes (and boys, too-HA!!). Lauren loves school. Her birthday (8th) was last Saturday, so she’s very excited about her upcoming birthday party on the 19th at our wonderful children’s museum here 
Much love,
Ann
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Hi Ann! Thanks so much for the phone message and the information above about your father. He is in our thoughts and prayers. It sounds like he is in good hands with the medical care he’s receiving and the care from family. He’s so lucky to have you looking out for him and watching for such things as anxiety which are so common in the elderly. I don’t know much about prostate as we referred it to urology as soon as we suspected a problem. I do know that it can be managed well with medication most of the time. Keep me up to date! Take care Ann
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Hi Ann, your dear sweet dad and your wonderful mom are definitely in my prayers. I know it’s hard when you see the vulnerability come out in them when they get to certain stages in their elder years, “you just want to cry” to quote my late brother, Don, telling me that about our mom and her advancing signs of her disease. I’m sure your dad will bounce back though. I think the Xanax is probably a good idea as it should take the edge off and relax him more. Sometimes they use anti-depressants too. Both my parents were on those in the later years of their illnesses. Do they have him on antibiotics as well? Poor thing, I hope he feels better soon, keep us posted.
Same here, we’re in the throes of fall nonstop activities, school, CCD, scouts, sports, piano, etc, etc going on. I feel like my son’s personal assistant managing his childhood career! BYW, I too have an Alison (my cousin) and a Lauren (my niece) in my family too – very pretty names. Wish Lauren a very happy b-day for me.
Love, Karen
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Hi Ann,
I just wanted you to know I’m keeping you and your folks in my prayers. I know your heart is heavy right now with worry for your dad. So difficult to navigate through the situation on so many levels – taking in family members opinions on how best to approach his condition, making sure your mom is okay in handling things, not wanting to “step on toes” but wanting to make sure your dad is getting the best possible care and a diagnosis as quickly as possible in order ease/eliminate his symptoms. All while trying to keep your own family going. My heart goes out to you. Hug those sweet girls of yours and hang in there!
Love,
Lisa
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Hi Lisa,
Both he and Mom think he should work w/a physical therapist again, because he’s getting a little stiff….great plan. My daughters are doing great, and I’m definitely trying to help keep things here on an even keel. The girls receive plenty of hugs 
Thanks so much for your concern and kindness, Lisa!!
You hit the nail on the head. I learned when my dad had a stroke 3 years ago to tread lightly. With 4 older siblings-and my mom-there are many opinions, emotions, etc., to deal with. So this time, I’m backing off a bit and letting others take some of the lead, waiting to hear from my mom, etc. I’m optimistic we’ll get Dad back into better shape again
Take good care,
Ann
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This is a great article, which I stumbled upon. I like the theme of “common bonds”.
http://endoflifecare.tripod.com/Caregiving/id32.html
~Ann
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Dear DLH Family,( we really are like family)
I have not been posting much, during the last few days. Presently, going thru a situation, that once again took me under. Plan on writing about it, as soon as it has an ending. It involves all the red tape and stress that goes with health insurance coverage. I thought I was an old pro at it, read all the comments, on questions to ask etc. Bottom line, the outcome will effect my husband’s well being and my trip to Peoria!!!
~char
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Oh Char, I DO hope you can go! You’ve been through SO much & it would do you a world of good to get away & meet Jean & the other Dan-Fans, & get a chance to see the town where Dan grew up!
As I commented to you before, I really DO hate insurance companies! They are more than happy to take your money…until you need THEM to do what you hired them for!
Uh-oh, I’d better settle down before I get into a tirade!
“Don’t Lose Heart”, Char! I’m pulling for you to be able to get to Peoria & live your dream!
Love ya,
Neecie
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Neec,
I will pray and keep the faith, and fight my way thru if I must.
Thank you for your kind words… stay tuned.
~Char
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Hi Char,
Just want you to know I’m thinking about you and keeping you in prayer. I’m sorry for whatever it is you’re going through right now. I so hope your plans for the weekend turn out as planned. I know you could use the break as well as needing something to look forward to. Hang in there, Char!
Blessings from afar,
Lisa
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Lisa,
I thank you very much for your kind words, thoughts and prayers.
~Char
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Dear Char, I’m so sorry you’re going through a rough time right now, wish there was something I could do to help! I so hope you can make it to Peoria, I’ll be sending positive thoughts your way that things work out. I hope Rich is feeling better and still on the mend. My prayers are with you and your family. Keep us posted.
Big Hugs, Karen
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Char, I am sending positive thoughts to you as you try to unravel your red tape issues around health care coverage. You are bigger than the small print, and I hope you can get what you need for you and your husband. We will all keep our fingers crossed that your issue can get resolved and that we all meet for a group hug in Peoria. Take care, Joyce
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Hi Joyce,
Well, one more doctor appt today to get by, still praying it goes well! Thank you for you kind words, we actually made it thru the insurance red tape. An additional health issue has come up, so that was the good news and the bad news. Good news health issurance ok’d him for more time in the rehab wound care facility, bad news he didn’t need anymore pain or problems. Thank you again for caring.
~Char
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Char, Great on the good news. I am so sorry that your husband continues to be uncomfortable with pain and additional problems. Hope you are holding up ok. You both are in my thoughts.
Take care, Joyce
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Thanks for your caring, Joyce, thinks worked out well, and I am going!!!!
Very excited and would love to meet everyone!
Looking forward to tomorrow, with great joy!
~Char
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Hi Char, wonderful news! We will be arriving earlier than I originally thought around 2 PM out of Chicago, so I won’t be as rushed after all fortunately. Have a safe and relaxing trip.
Karen
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Hi Char, I’m so glad you’re going to able to make it!! I’ve only seen your picture and heard your voice on your cell phone, so now I can look forward to meeting you!! We’ll have to do a DLH photo
Have a safe trip…
Big hugs,
Ann
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Dear Joan, Thank you again for all your positive thoughts and prayers, I am going to be able to attend, and can not be happier… thank you for being so nice. I am sorry you are unable to attend, but I am sure there will photos posted, asap.
~Char
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Holding you in my heart, Char. Best to you.
Laurel
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Dear DLH Friends — My mom is just about to turn 82, and while she is in pretty good health (managing her diabetes well, etc), her ability to walk well and maintain balance has deteriorated a great deal over the past year. She has a regular doctor and has been treated for severe arthritis in her back and for a “Baker’s Cyst” in her knee, but has always managed to get around pretty well until the last several months. I was with her in her garden taking photos of her recently, and she was very wobbly walking around the yard. I held onto her hand to assist her, but I am worried about times she is outdoors (or in) when I am not there. My father is 80 and moves rather slowly and tentatively himself, so I am concerned that if Mom were to lose balance or fall, Dad would not be able to assist her quickly.
I have tactfully suggested to my mom that she might try using a cane, but that suggestion was met with a stony glance. I understand that she does not want to admit that she is not as strong as she used to be; she has always been a little dynamo with more energy than all of her three daughters. My sisters and I have all been dealing with arthritis or injury-related issues for years, and I had to use a cane for about 2 years following a bad car accident (thankfully I do not need it at this time). We are all accustomed to needing and using such assistance if needed and are able to accept it, but this is my mother’s first time encountering such a need.
My elder sister says that Mom won’t accept hearing about needing a cane unless one of her own contemporaries mentions that they have used one. I would be happy to purchase the prettiest cane possible for her, but I know that does not make up for having to use one. Have any of you encountered this type of issue with your parents or other loved ones? I could use some advice on how we might get Mom to use something while also respecting her dignity and pride at how well she has done all these years.
It is becoming quite a concern, though, as the wobbliness is really bad, and someone recently told me that our sense of balance deteriorates over time as well. I just don’t want her falling and ending up truly disabled if we can avoid it.
Thanks so much, and sending hugs to all of you!
Laurel
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Hi Laurel, I’m not sure how to handle that with your Mom. I can tell you what happened with my Mom (now 82). My Mom actually can’t hear well and has been unsteady for several years and she was using a cane at the time and started using a walker too-she has never been active and weighs about 90 pounds. My Mom actually fell in the shower (we have handicap grab bars in the shower) and because of that all kinds of things happened. Thankfully she didn’t break a hip. What ensued was that our house wasn’t easily maneuvered with a wheelchair (she needed a wheelchair because she couldn’t get around) so I moved her & my Dad in to what they call a “gracious living” retirement apartment (very expensive) and we immediately (through her doctor) was approved for in home care and rehabilitation (Gentiva is the name of the group and they are nationwide). They put a team together (nurse, nurses aid to bathe my Mom, physical therapy every day, which helped tremendously much to my Mom’s resistance, as well as an occupational therapist). My Mom is now back-after a good two months-to using her walker and she is happy to have it knowing that a fall can and will change everything. So, all I can say is that all it takes is a fall and then everyone goes in to high gear. I guess there is no way of telling when something is going to happen but it sure is nice, NOW, that we have everything in as much order that we can have as far as precautions go. I will say that our family doesn’t take well to another family member asking them to do something-it took a trip to the emergency room and me asking the social worker at ER to PLEASE, assign us a team of people who will walk us through the process and tell us what to do. That social worker and the Gentiva team were the ones that made the difference. Laurel, I am so happy you wrote on DLH because I am anxious to hear what others say about this very important matter. Melisa
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Thank you, Melisa. I appreciate you sharing your experiences and the tools now being used to make your mom’s life easier and safer.
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Hi Laurel,
I have a 90 year old mom with the same type of problem. She also gave me “the look” when a cane was mentioned. I asked her to compare herself with that of her friends. There was only one “younger” friend who did not use some type of walking device. So there are times when she uses the cane, although they are few and far between, which does not please me.
My next move is to speak with her doctor and ask him to suggest it to her, this way she really might use it more.
Of course we both what the use of a cane means, to them, they are getting old! They are so accustomed to being active, and not really needing anyone or type of stabling assistance. I think it’s pretty darn wonderful to have our moms at this age, and I mention that to her, when she gives me “the look”. Hope this helps. Let me know! Be well.
~Char
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Ah Char, we are indeed fortunate in having our moms still. Thank you so much for your reply. I will consider following up with Mom’s doctor as well. I have to be careful how I go about it; my mom is pretty fussy about anyone getting in her business. It is fine-line walking time. Thanks again.
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Hi Laurel. I work in retail & I’ve noticed that they make some pretty cool canes now.
My track record includes having knee surgery about 20 years ago (the doctor said that the inside of my knee looked like shredded crab meat…YUCK), & 1994 I broke the top of my foot, something called a “Lisfranc fracture” (my big toe did the splits with the rest of my foot & it broke on top, hurt like hell)!
My foot can still bother me on occaision because it never really healed right & that bone sticks up & can get sore. So I have a couple of canes that I keep (plus my old crutches). One of the canes belonged to my Dad & the other is a raggedy old wooden one that I got at a craft store. But I noticed that they have different designs on them now too. The one that I have my eye on (if I’d have to need one for some reason) has the logos of The Ohio State University on it! It is COOL!
Maybe you can find a cane that isn’t “cane-y” looking that expresses her personality? Or even one that is decorated artistically & almost looks like a pretty accessory? Maybe she’d feel better about it if people admired it & asked her where she got it?
Ya know, just sitting here thinking about it, you could really do some neat stuff with decoupage that could personalize it!
Shoot, I might have to decorate my old raggedy wooden one now!!!
Catch ya later,
Denise H
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Thanks Denise. These are great suggestions. My husband once carved me a beautiful handle for a decorative broom from diamond willow. Maybe I will have him make something like that for her in a cane. Thanks again.
Laurel
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Hi Laurel – This is one of my biggest worries with my Mom too. She is almost 95 and lives alone in a three story house. My brother and nephew check in with her every day, but she can (and has) fall anytime. In addition to COPD, she has Meniere’s disease, which results in hearing loss, severe vertigo and poor balance.
She won’t leave the house without her cane, but will only use her walker in the house. She has always been extremely active and will not accept the fact that she needs the help of walking aids, even after having both hips replaced (the last one when she was 91)! For exercise, she goes to the grocery store or Super Walmart, gets a cart and goes. I can’t keep up with her!
She still climbs on chairs, goes up & down steps, takes care of her flower gardens, weeds, cleans house and has more of a social life than I do. But, I know “that look”. She does not believe she is old, but somehow other people her age are. Wierd, but I guess that keeps her going.
The only thing I can really offer is what she has repeatedly told me. She would rather live her life while she can, than be so careful that she just fades away. She is independent and happy. When she can’t do any of the things she wants to do, she gets depressed.
Yes, I worry about her. Yes, I want to her be more careful. No, I don’t want her to fall, with all the scenarios that can accompany it. But I have to accept the choices she makes. We will just have to deal with whatever comes.
I am just so very thankful to have her with us still. I will be listening in to see what solutions others offer. There is always a chance she will listen.
Now about her continuing to drive with unpredictable vertigo …
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Dear Laurel, Char & Joan, I don’t have a mother who has that particular problem, at least not yet anyways, but I just thought wow, it’s so great that they’re all so feisty still and I enjoyed that aspect of your stories. On the same note, I realize that it’s a very real and serious concern of yours and what comes to mind are the incidents I have heard of that occur quite frequently with the elderly and that is a fall that results in a broken hip. Often, at those advanced ages once they break a hip it can send a realtively healthy person into a downward spiral of health problems that can lead to death eventually. Doctors and nurses would be able to explain the potential consequences better than I. Gently explaining this to your moms to make them realize just how bad getting hurt can possibly turn out for them might help make them more worried about it enough to want to take action so they can avoid a fall resulting in a broken hip. Jean gives some good advice under her Walls & Personal Boundaries section on how to broach difficult or uncomfortable subjects with your loved ones with tact and grace. Good luck and God Bless your delightfully stubborn and strong-minded adorable moms! I’ve always said it’s a good thing when they still have the fight in them, means they’re not ready to give up yet because they still have a lot of living to do.
Karen
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Hi Laurel, it was hard for my father to convince my mother she needed a cane; even harder when it came time to switch to a walker when she was too unsteady for the cane. I can understand – I wear reading glasses – +1.25 strength, but I’m edging toward +1.50. Every little bit of assistance we have to accept feels like we’re losing our grip on our health and independence. Necessity is a powerful motivator, though! Some of the cancer drugs made Dan very lightheaded and unsteady, but luckily, we have a beautiful cane collection in the antique hall tree by the door. All I did was wrap a piece of non-skid rubber mat around the base with a rubber band so it wouldn’t slip on the floors. Gary Oldman looked so cool with his cane in “Dracula” – maybe you could find a pretty cane (antique malls always have them) and then give it to her after watching the movie?
Amazon has a pretty floral cane too – Duro-Med Adjustable Folding Fancy Cane. ~ Jean
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Hi Laurel, Hope you’ve been able to have some success getting your mom to use a cane. If you can get her to use one, let me know what strategy worked! My dad has spinal stenosis from disc herniation and arthritis, so he has quite a bit of lower back pain. His right leg is weaker than his left because he had a stroke in 2007. He does, however, seem more steady on his feet than your mom….he is able to go for daily walks w/my mom, help with some tasks around the house and yard, etc.
A cane would, however, definitely help him. For him, I think his hesitation results from pride, self-consciousness, knowledge that use of a cane is an indication that he is getting older & the skill of walking “naturally” is being taken away from him. Plus, he can be rather stubborn at times!! Dad, by the way, is also 82 (coincidence!!). I know it’s difficult for the elderly population to “lose” bodily functioning and skills that they had when they were younger, so I think it’s pretty common for these people to be hesitant about using hearing aids, canes, walkers, etc. My father-in-law is just the opposite…he can get around much easier w/a cane and has never cared much about what other people think. He’s very confident in that sense.
I will say a prayer for your mom, that she remains safe. In the meantime, maybe providing her w/a pretty cane (as others have suggested) would help
Can’t do that w/my dad….he’d want something simple and inconspicuous!!
Take care,
Ann
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Ann, I will be praying for the wounded soldier and his family, for strength, peace and comfort. Lord, it breaks my heart. I so love this country and honor and respect any and all military members. If possible, can you give us an update, I didn’t see one but I may have missed it. I will add this to my prayer chain friends. Blessings and love-Susan
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Susan,
I, too, have such a great love for this country, and I hold a special place in my heart for those who sacrifice their lives in the line of duty. The most I feel I can say about David (out of respect for his and his family’s privacy) is that he had brain surgery this morning and remains in critical condition. Life can be so fragile, and unfair things happen to some of our best (i.e., Dan F., for instance). David is surrounded by family members and his fiance. God Bless you, Susan, for caring so much to take the time to inquire about him, and please do have your friends pray for him as well.
Much love,
Ann
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Ann, my thoughts & prayers are also heading David’s way. Life really can be so unfair!
In my naive way, I SO wish that there would be no more wars. I wish that all of the leaders of the world would finally realize that war really never solves anything, it’s nothing more than a bunch of spoiled adults having temper tantrums that cause other people to get hurt. I know, it will never happen, but don’t you just wish?
As I’m saying these things, I hear Jackie DeShannon’s voice running through my head… “What the world needs now, is love sweet love…”.
C’mon David, hang in there. All of your dreams are just around the corner! You’ve got “Dan’s Angels” on DLH sending all of their energy to you! DON’T LOSE HEART!!!
Denise H
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Hi Ann, Thinking of David, his family & friends today, and hoping that the outlook has become a little better. Many thoughts and prayers coming your way this day.
~Char
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Hello All, I would greatly appreciate it if you would say a prayer, raise some positive thoughts, etc., for a young, severely wounded member of our military. One of the sons of our school’s activity director was serving in the Air Force in Afghanistan. David (the son) was due to come home in a month or two. He is engaged, and a wedding date is set for September. Anyway, the helicopter that David was piloting, was shot down this past Tuesday. Four military members were killed, and David has been flown to Bethesda Naval Hospital. Out of respect for him and his family, I cannot obviously provide information regarding his condition. This tragedy has been so difficult for our close-knit community to deal with, yet it’s also strengthened us and brought us together. We want to provide financial assistance and anything else that we can offer in the days and months that follow. Below are the lyrics to “Homeword Bound” by Marta Keen and the BYU rendition of the song that acknowledges our gratefulness to those who are serving our country. God Bless all of you for keeping David in your thoughts….
http://www.horrocksfamily.com/HomewardBoundLyrics.html
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wgy3QDpAam0
~Ann
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Ann,
David and his family are in my thoughts and prayers and may he recover completely from this tragedy.
~Char
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Char & the rest of you, David is in surgery right now. I am not feeling terribly optimistic about the long-term prognosis. Please pray that his loved ones will have the strength to deal with the outcome, whatever that may be.
Thanks,
Ann
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Dear Ann, I will be sending positive thoughts your way, and I hope/pray David’s family will be comforted at this time, by caring friends such as yourself.
~Char
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Hey, did anybody else watch Keith Olbermann the other night (Tuesday, I think)? He had a doctor on from the Cleveland Clinic & he was saying that they are very close (within 10 years) to coming up with a vaccine for breast cancer. Here is the transcript from their conversation:
OLBERMANN: It is the second leading cause of cancer death in women. Last year alone, it killed over 40,000. Among them, my mother. But in our number one story, newly discovered hope in the fight against breast cancer. Dr. Vincent Tuohy of the Cleveland Clinic says he‘s developed a preventive vaccine that will do to breast cancer what the Polio Vaccine has done for Polio. And it could be a reality by the end of this decade. In a moment, Dr. Tuohy will join us.
The findings published in the “Journal of Nature and Medicine,” in which cancer-prone mice were kept rumor free. Dr. Tuohy and a team of researchers at the Cleveland Clinic developing a vaccine that stimulates the immune system by helping it destroying the tumor-causing protein, Alphalactalbumine (ph). The mice that were immunized did not develop breast tumors, while the mice that were not immunized did.
The vaccine also helped shrink pre-existing tumors, suggesting the drug could be used as a treatment, as well as a vaccine. The goal is to offer the vaccine to women before they reach their mid-40s, when the threat of developing breast cancer increases. The vaccine would boost a woman‘s immune system without damaging healthy breast tissue. Clinical trials on humans expected within the year.
As promised, now joining me from Cleveland, Dr. Vincent Tuohy of the Cleveland Clinic. Thanks for some of your time tonight, sir.
DR. VINCENT TUOHY, CLEVELAND CLINIC: Thank you for having me. It‘s very nice.
OLBERMANN: Two words. How soon?
TUOHY: Two words, ten years. It‘s—there‘s a tremendous amount of regulatory issues that we have to confront. And the fact is, we don‘t have any funding right now to go into clinical trials. It‘s very expensive. So it‘s going to take some time even to—before we enter the phase I initial trials for safety, toxicity, dosage and so forth.
So we have quite a bit of work ahead of us. This is very, very preliminary, very, very early and it‘s certainly, I think, full of hope, but we have a long way to go.
OLBERMANN: You do seem to be, though, more hopeful than I‘ve heard people talk about this in the past. Are you—is there substance to this or instinct? What‘s involved in your assessment of it?
TUOHY: Well, we started working on this eight years ago. The concept was based on the childhood vaccination program, which we take for granted. But it‘s been the most effective, most powerful medical intervention in history. And it‘s eliminated diseases like Polio and Measles. They‘re gone. We take it for granted, but it‘s been wonderful.
And what we—but it ends when we‘re 13 with the vaccination against Human Papilloma Virus. We have no scheduled vaccinations until age 60 for Herpes Austor (ph) and Pneumoniacaucus (ph). And here we are in our middle age, around 40 years old, and we have no vaccinations scheduled. And yet we have diseases that we have to confront, like breast cancer and prostate cancer and ovarian cancer and colon cancer, and these are things that I thought that we should develop a vaccine that could prevent them.
Treating them has been terribly disappointed. It‘s very hard to eliminate a tumor once it takes root. But preventing it, I think, would be easier. We just have to overcome a few obstacles, one of which is if we have a preventive vaccine against these cancers, we have to avoid damaging normal tissues. And I think that‘s what I tried to do, and that‘s what my manuscript shows a way, one way—there are probably many ways—but one way to avoid the residual or systemic damage or local damage to breast or other tissues as a result of a prophylactic vaccine, and yet, at the same time, be protected from breast cancer.
OLBERMANN: Tell me about this other tantalizing aspect of this, the prospect of using this not merely as a vaccine, but that it might be treatment. You mentioned how difficult it is to stop the tumor once it started, yet you have some hopes this might impact that too?
TUOHY: Yes. We think the majority of breast tumors express this particular protein that we‘ve targeted. In our hands, it did work. It was statistically significant and effective in treating animals that had established tumors. But it was so much more effective—I mean, really so much more effective when it was used to prevent disease. And it did so whereby the animals had no—absolutely no sign of inflammatory changes in the breast or anywhere else we looked.
We looked exhaustively. We couldn‘t find it, and that‘s—I think that‘s where the key element is. I think we showed a way of vaccinating against cells—against breast cells in such a way that we have no peripheral damage. I think this could be done. I hope other investigators take up this type of approach, or similar approaches, and do it for other cancers. I think this would be wonderful and it would be a great way, I think, to really lower our health care costs. Don‘t you think?
OLBERMANN: Yeah, indeed. You mentioned Papilloma. There‘s also an FDA-approved cancer vaccines for cervical and for liver. Is there some sense—do you have some sense—in a very brief amount of time, do you have some sense that we‘re getting a handle, finally, on what to do about cancer?
TUOHY: : Those vaccines are really traditional vaccines against viruses that are associated very strongly with causing cancer. The vaccine that we produced is against cells, so it‘s another jump in terms of what we can vaccinate against safely and effectively.
OLBERMANN: Dr. Vincent Tuohy, immunologist at the Cleveland Clinic, congratulations in advance and congratulations for what you‘ve done so far. Thanks for your time.
TUOHY: Thank you very much.
Interesting!
Denise H.
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Dear Jean,
I appreciate your thoughtful response. Your sharing of your experiences touched my heart deeply. When the time comes, I know I will remember your words, hearing your kind encouragment resounding in my ear to “just keep your head down and do it” and to be gentle with myself. Your words will help keep me sane, not feeling totally alone.
Jean, you are helping so many.
I also totally ‘get’ and respect your feelings, pondering the spirituality issue. Yes, all caregivers must feel welcome here. And with you at the helm, they will …
With a thankful heart, Joan.
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Char & Joyce – Thanks also for sharing. I think a lot of my anxiety is due to anticipatory grieving and previous family experiences after losing loved ones. My mother actually has been trying to get rid of stuff. My response has been been to try and take the load off of her by telling her to not worry about it. Maybe I need to listen to her a bit closer.
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Hi Jean,
We just moved my mother-in-law into assisted living. My husband and siblings spent many long hours sorting and downsizing her belongings. It was emotional and physically draining. My Mom is 94 and thankfully still able to live her home – my family home. When the time comes, I know it will be overwhelming to sort through her things — who gets what, what gets sold, what gets thrown. I am already feeling the guilt, stress and grief.
Do you have any insights of how caregivers can handle this massive mission, especially while dealing with burnout and grief?
Also, I have been wondering if you will considered tackling a page on spirituality and caregiving. This is a touchy subject, but I know you have the ability and compassion to address the issue with tact and grace. A strong belief in something bigger or a purpose beyond a world of hurt, provides so much comfort when facing the blatantly truthful reality of caregiving.
I deeply appreciate everything you do. And thank you especially, for “sharing” Dan. You comfort my heart daily. I hope we are a comfort to you. Bless you.
Joan [Marie
]
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Hi Joan,
I realize you addressed your question to Jean, so I hope you don’t mind my commenting on your situation with you mom. I too have my mom with me, she is 90 and still lives in our family home. Tackling the very emotional problem of what to do, when the time comes, is always on my mind. Although we live together, it is hard to bring up the subject. My way of trying to get things in order is at least two times a year, we go through some of her things; clothes, shoes, paperwork(ugh.. this is the really hard part), and give away or dispose of items she no longer needs or wants. Of course, sometimes this is much easier said then done! I guess it’s my way of trying to deal with a situatio , that will be almost impossible for me to handle when the day comes, so for now I pray for the strength to get it underway. Mom actually feels better when we do get this accomplished as she likes to feel she is doing her part too.
Thanks for bringing this up, as it reminds me I need to sit with her again and get things straighten out. I hope this helps you in some small way. I look forward to hearing from you and hope you are well.
~Char
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Dear Joan, I know what you mean, it’s an arduous task. Not long after Dan died I had an offer on the ranch and, still deeply grieving, now had the daunting task of boxing up the 6,000 sq. ft. home that Dan had lived in for most of his adult life. I broke it up into two trips, and gave myself a few weeks each trip. I’d had offers of help from friends, but I knew I would need a lot of emotional space, so I declined.
The first trip, I organized. What would be donated, what would go to Maine, what would stay to go to a new casita in Santa Fe. Once I had a handle on that, I started boxing things up. I played music when it felt right, worked in silence when that felt right, ate, slept, cried, sang, talked to Dan, all when it felt right. The most difficult part was wading through the memories in each room – that was my biggest challenge. I took a break and came back to Maine, then went back at it again later that year. By the end of the second trip, everything was donated or boxed and labeled Maine or Santa Fe. I came back to Maine to wait for the move, set for October/November (I had a house in Santa Fe under contract and the movers scheduled). Then the financial crisis of October of 2008 happened, and my buyer was forced to back out at the last minute. Which meant I had to back out of the Santa Fe house, which my parents were going to live in as well, so I had to break the news to them. So I went back and unpacked the things that would make the house show well, put the art back on the walls, etc. The real estate market went into a deep freeze. I went back again last October and loaded up the art and other things intended for Maine into a 16′ Budget truck and drove cross country with my friend Evelyn. Things have recently started moving again in the Colorado ranch market, and we recently had a showing, so I’m hopeful.
So, I would say, start out by being organized – know exactly how you’re going to go at it, and schedule some breaks ahead of time. Stick with the break schedule so you don’t burn out, and so you have something to work toward. Then just put your head down and do it. Be gentle with yourself, it’s tough.
Re: the page on spirituality – I don’t mind when others mention their own religious beliefs here – I’m a live-and-let-live person who believes in not judging, and respecting the beliefs of others. And I want caregivers from all nationalities and walks of life to feel welcome here. In my own life, strong opinions about religion have sometimes had divisive and emotionally devastating repercussions, which, over time, has convinced me that keeping my beliefs to myself is the safest course. So I have shied away from writing about spirituality. But I’ll give it some thought, do a little research, and see what I feel/find. ~ Jean
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Jean, Oh My! What a roller coaster ride you must have been on while “deeply grieving” for Dan and having to do all the physical and emotional packing up of your home. And then the loss of your new home in Santa Fe and and the change of plans for you and your family. It must of been such a tough time for you, on top of a very tough time for you. Good luck with the showing and my fingers are crossed that everything works out for you in the way you want.
Joan, As someone who is not highly organized and had to pack up my parent’s apartment after my father passed away (they had recently downsized) and move my mom I have some personal advice. First, read what Char and Jean have written. They are wise. Anything you can do ahead of time and together with your mom would be great. If it causes any tension between the two of you just stop. It will all get done at some point.
My other piece of advice I give friends who may not live in the same city as their parent is not to “rush” and try to meet a deadline. Also, try to be as clear headed as possible. It is easy to go overboard and want to keep everything, or like me donate too much. There will be regret either way. Hopefully you and your siblings will be able to be on your best behavior and will develop your own plan of how you will divide things up that have may not been designated or agreed upon ahead of time.
I think there will be plenty of emotion regardless. After watching your husband’s family go through the difficult process you have an opportunity to share the experience with your family.
Best wishes and good luck, Joyce
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Joan,
Downsizing, dividing up or disposal of a loved one’s possessions is almost always overwhelming for many reasons and for everyone involved. Recently, after 4 or 5 years of family discussions with my 87 year old mother and siblings we finally agreed on a long-overdue move for her from our family home of 50 years into a retirement apartment (partially assisted – living). It was much more painful for us than it was for her as she has been widowed for nearly 40 years and “is ready to go”.
However, she did not want to let go of anything. Fifty years in a large 4-bedroom house, having raised 6 children, holidays, our marriages, divorces, grand and great –grand kids…. well, things accumulate. She fully expected between all of us we would find a home for everything she could not keep.
Knowing the house would go on the market in early spring, we spent several months prior organizing things into what little could go with her to a 650 sq ft apartment, what we all wanted, and what had to be tossed. In the beginning, many a tear-filled weekend was spent with her digging through things that had not seen the light of day in years. After a month or so of that process, we began phase two, whereby one of us would conveniently take her out shopping or visiting so the others could covertly begin packing or trashing things we knew would be too hard for her to let go of. The more traumatic issue for her was not so much leaving the physical house & property, but all of those sentimental things she had collected over the years.
Our ultimate solution was to tell my mother that we were having a huge estate sale. Being a child of the depression, she did not waste anything and she had loved having garage/yard sales in earlier years and took great pride in neatly displaying and pricing all of her prized possessions, thinking that someone else would get just as much joy or use in the future. After we all picked through the furniture, pictures, etc. there were literally tons of items left, but nothing of any value. Just after her house sold and she moved into her apartment, we contacted a company that hauls off “old things” for $50; they came, loaded it all up, and hauled it away. We gave my mother $523 dollars cash and said this is what she had made from her fabulous estate sale! She was so pleased thinking her items were not just thrown away and, of course, the money was greatly welcomed as a person living solely on social security – it very was hard fibbing to her, but it was the only way we could think of to not send her into a deep depression over the loss of those material things – it worked!
Cindy V.
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I have a question to ask of the caregivers in this community, and I hope I chose the right category for it. If anyone can tell me what things I can do as sort-of an “outsider” to show caring for a friend that would not be bothersome or intrusive, I would appreciate it. I have a friend named Deb who is battling breast cancer. I met Deb through religious activities and she taught a class that I took about 6 years ago. Since that time our contact has been sporadic as our lives have taken us in different directions, but we do touch base now and then. I admire her so much as a person. Most recently, Deb invited my husband and me to join her party celebrating her recovery from radiation. It was a great party, and Deb looked lovely and happy. She is currently undergoing her second round of oral chemotherapy, something that at first the doctors thought she would not have to do, but as it turned out, it was necessary.
Deb works full-time and is the mother of an active 8-year-old boy. Her husband suffers chronic health conditions — asthma and heart disease. She is one of those people who does her best to maintain a positive attitude, has a ton of friends, and is involved in many activities, including her passion of tribal belly dancing and designing / constructing belly-dancing costumes. Believe me, her creations are beautiful.
Even though our friendship is on a somewhat casual level, Deb will always hold a very special place in my heart as she is also a pastor and officiated at our wedding in 2004. Though things have smoothed over since then with my family and they appreciate my husband and our life together now, at the time, they chose not to attend my wedding as they did not approve (long story, just another one of those goofy family things). At the time, I was hurt by their absence from that beautiful day, but we had a lovely wedding anyway surrounded by friends. Deb was one of those friends. She was kind enough to come to our home early and jump into the crisis (our wedding clothes had been delivered from our “seamster” just that morning and were unwearable — so huge that they were falling off when we tried to put them on). When all was chaos around our home and I had to send my intended to the store to get a pair of new black jeans to wear with his renaissance shirt (that fit as it was made by someone else) and boots for the ceremony, Deb stood in our kitchen and sliced fruit for our fruit salad. She held my hands and reminded me that the most important thing about the day was that my fiance and I were getting married, not the clothes we would be wearing. She was so right, and now we have a story to tell of that day. Deb was family that day, and her presence meant so much.
When the time for the ceremony came, Deb was the one who got folks organized and ready for things to begin, and she explained to our guests the more unique features of our ceremony that they might not have otherwise understood. She went above and beyond for us as she does in everything.
After we attended her party, we decided we should do something for her to pitch in and help lighten Deb’s load a little bit. We started out by giving a gift card for a restaurant she likes that features a healthy menu so she would not have to worry about cooking one night. My husband is very skilled at smoking meat such as ribs, pork (for pulled pork), brisket, etc, so we are planning to give her a couple of meals’ worth of those once in a while (I already asked Deb if this would be okay, and she agreed). We also know of a local market that makes the most awesome frozen meatloaves, so we will pick up one of those from time to time for her. I know all our ideas so far have to do with food, but food is such a social connector and probably the easiest point to start.
We don’t want to overwhelm her or pounce on her like she is a project; she is not. We do want to lighten her load while she is going through these current difficulties. If anyone has any suggestions for respectful and helpful ways to show our friendship at this time, we are open to suggestions!
Thanks so much.
Laurel
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Hi Laurel, Your story of Deb, is a gift in itself. I think I would get a blank card, and I include this wonderful story of a woman(your friend), who changed your life, in a very positive way. I would say something like “you were there for me, when I needed you most,etc… and now I would like to “pay it back”!
When my friend went thru a similar situation ,we helped by picking her children up from school/bus stop. Providing homework help, while she rested. Did laundry,gardening,meal preparation etc. Offer to drive her to doctor appointments,whatever will make her happy and comfortable.
Hope this helps you
~Char
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Hello Char -
Your ideas help a lot!! Your suggestion for the card is lovely; I will do that. And thank you so much for the practical ideas. I will let her know I am available to help along with bringing healthy foods to her.
Thanks so much!
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Hi, Laurel. It sounds like Deb has a good support system with all of her friends, including you and your husband, so I agree with Char about a card. I would make it mostly a “Thank You” card, letting her know how special you think she is, and how much you appreciate everything she did to help on your wedding day. Then at the bottom I would put a brief sentence saying I would welcome any opportunity to help, and my phone number.
I still have Thank You cards I received many years ago – re-reading a nice Thank You can give you a lift even on bad days. I also have cards sitting in my kitchen window that are there just because I think they’re pretty or fun – they’re like little paintings you don’t have to hang. And finally, if that card ends up sitting around for a while, she’ll have your number handy.
If that doesn’t feel “right” to you (it’s hard to say, not knowing you or Deb), I’d be glad to put “Deb” on one of my heart mugs for you to give her. ~ Jean
p.s. I really feel like a Grinch saying this, and you can take it or leave it, but I just want to remind you that meat, and smoked meat in particular, is one of those things that goes on and off the “don’t do” lists for breast cancer. Thought you’d want to know. (My mouth is watering just thinking about the homemade bar-b-que sauce Dan used to make for his ribs. Mmmmmm.)
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Hey Jean, would it be possible to make some of Dan’s BBQ sauce & come up with some kind of recipe for baked beans with it? I know that a lot of people use BBQ sauce in their baked beans & aren’t beans supposed to be pretty good for you? That way you could still get a taste of the sauce without worrying about the issues with meat.
Or hell, just dunk bread in it!!!
Denise H. (or “Neecie”, whatever!)
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Oh Jean,
Thank you so much for telling me about the smoked meat concerns regarding breast cancer! I did not know that; you are not “Grinchy” at all, and you said it in a very kind way. We can come up with other culinary alternatives, or we can bring some healthy whole-grain breads, nutritious fruits and veggies. We are growing a balcony garden this year, and with the early Minnesota spring we have had, it is growing like crazy. It would be an honor to share our bounty with her (this is our first try at it, so I hope there is a yield).
We have herbs growing too, and when I run my hand over the Rosemary, I can smell fresh Rosemary on my hand. For a person who has never been a gardener type, this is a magical awakening of sorts.
I am following up on Char’s and your suggestion of a card as well, and I love your idea of the mug with her name. I will gladly head over to your shop.
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Dear Laurel,
Not only does Deb sound like a very special woman, you too sound equally special.
Many years ago I had breast cancer and I can offer some advice from the standpoint of having had cancer, and also from knowing so many of my friends who did.
One thing that really stands out to me in your letter is that Deb is usually the one who plays the role of caretaker. She is very strong and very capable and having cancer is not just a physical battle, but a tremendous emotional one. In regards to the emotional part of this battle, my guess is that she is struggling with that as much as the cancer itself. The cancer is in charge of her life right now, and Deb probably finds herself in a position that is very difficult for someone who is such a take-charge person.
Please be aware of that and honor that about her.
I relate to Deb very much, and one sentence that rings out in my mind to this day was friend who asked me after my diagnosis why I could not accept help, when I was always helping everyone else. So it is not necessarily stubbornness or denial, she just needs support.
So being there, being available without hovering and without pity. Lots of love and hugs and a positive attitude will help very much. It just doesn’t always need to be the topic of conversation.
Taking her meals and taking her out, even if it’s for a walk or for ice cream. Let her talk about the cancer if she wants to or needs to, but you have to be a safe-place for her to show her emotions, IF she wants to.
That has to be her choice. Offering babysitting or a trip to the doctor is helpful. Especially if her husband cannot make an appointment with her. Just having someone there is very supportive, but don’t intrude on her space.
I am not sure where her sense of humor is right now, but instead of solemn cards or notes, find hysterical cards of friendship and send her those as often as you find one. She needs a positive spirit around her, not doom and gloom.
Deb is very blessed to have a friend like you and she obviously touched your life in such a profound way. And maybe that is why you are there in her life right now Laurel. Not to repay her really, but instead you have been given an opportunity to minister to her, and maybe in a way that no one else can because of how she touched you. In a funny way, she taught you exactly how to be there for her now.
God bless you both in this journey.
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Dear Suzie —
Thank you so much for your wise words; I am taking them to heart. You are so right about Deb; she is an extremely capable, no-nonsense person who has had to shoulder a lot in her life and has done so gracefully. I very much agree with what you say about whether or not to discuss her illness or how much to discuss it. I know that once a person has cancer, it can tend to take over everyone’s focus around that person and I would think that would be very hard to just get a break from it. I love your suggestions about going for a walk or taking her for ice cream or some other way to get her a mental break if she needs it.
Though Deb is very much a “get-’er-done” mover and shaker in her daily life, she also LOVES to have fun. She loves laughing, cutting up, getting crazy, and I have learned that she actually needs her friends to get her going that way, to get her out of the go-get-’em mode and into fun mode. Once she is there, though, look out, because she is a hoot. I wish you could see her when she belly dances; her countenance glows with joy and life.
I appreciate everything you have said, and I do not want to focus on doom or gloom; I want to help her focus on life and joy but also be a shoulder and that safe place to the extent that she wants or needs from me.
Bless you, and thanks again. I know your words will help many here.
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Laurel, I think both you and Deb are very fortunate to have each other as friends. I think the replies to you have been so thoughtful and wise. Sending cards is a lovely way to let someone know you care. Throw in a funny one too! Our friend had breast cancer and was going through some tough treatments. Several of us no longer lived nearby and we really wanted to do something for her. We knew her chemo was tough. When she mentioned a massage therapist who had a speciality in working with cancer patients, we got her gift certificates for the massage. She had the power to decide when to have the massages, and she found herself having something to look forward to for herself.
I think this experience is one that reminds me to really listen when friends talk.. We would have never known this is what she really wanted.
I second all of the above suggestions My friend did not want her children “whisked away,” but was very happy for us to be at her home for homework etc. help with the kids while she rested.
Simple things mean so much.
Best wishes, Joyce
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Thank you Joyce. I like your idea of the massage gifts very much. I know Deb is feeling some back and shoulder pain these days. I think I will talk to her about whether she likes the idea; I am also glad to hear there are massage therapists who specialize in working with cancer patients. That is important.
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Dear DLH Friends — Just an update for you regarding my friend Deb who was battling breast cancer when I posted in April: Deb is now CANCER-FREE and will be undergoing breast reconstruction surgery soon. YAY!!! I thought you might enjoy seeing an image of this beautiful, passionate about Indian belly-dance lady, so I am posting a photo from the cabaret performance she took part in just before Thanksgiving. Cheers and hugs to all of you!
[img]beautifulkamala.jpg[/img]
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Laurel,
Wonderful news, and belly dancing her way to reconstruction. Several of my friends have had reconstruction,( due to BC) and are “perky” because of it. Your news is absolutely great. Thanks and I hope you have a beautiful holiday season.
~Char
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Thanks Char. Good news is so much fun to share. I hope your holidays are lovely and bright.
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Greetings Jean,
I’m a 51 year old male and I recently lost my best friend to suicide. “Monty” was a retired USAF Lt. Colonel with a Phd in Engineering. He was 53 and was running triathlons up until his death. He loved to laugh and was always the life of the party or gathering. In short, most who knew him described him as a “Superman”. Seemingly a main trigger regarding his taking life related to work-related stress. My question is how does one heal the heart while enduring a most tragic loss such as this? Thank you for any advise or wisdom you can provide. Richard (formally of Cape Neddick and York, Maine)
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Dear Richard, what a terrible waste…I’m sorry you lost your friend in this way. To answer your question, from my experience: one doesn’t heal one’s heart. One gets through life one day, sometime one hour, at a time and the heart eventually heals itself. There are some things you might want do to help get through these trying times: comforting or helping others in pain; doing something to honor Monty; volunteer work, to name a few. Be sure to exercise and eat right – that will help with the depression. Look through some of the pages under Health / Care, you may find more insights that work for you. I hope this helps. ~ Jean
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jean, thankyou so much for creating this site. your loss of dan has enabled you to help others in a way you may never truly understand. i am a stroke survivor and a big fan of dan’s for over 30 years, being a caregiver is a very tough job, caregiving is not for sissies. i am a volunteer at a internet stroke support site and we have numerous caregivers at our site who need help in coping with that role that was thrown at them,as fast as a lightening bolt, our symbol for a stroke. i would like to put your link into a message on our message board, you have alot of useful and helpful information here that i think our caregivers would be interested in. i also say to our survivors that knowledge is power to learn all you can about the type of stroke they had, to aide them in their recoveries. i know some of what caregivers go through, my husband has been mine until i could regain some of my independence again. its been a long 8 years, but recovery for any disease or illness is a long, hard road to travel. but worth it to be given a second chance at life and living it to the fullest as best as you can, it might have to be done in a different way now, due to deficits left from the stroke. stroke is the third cause of death in the U.S. and the number one cause of disability.
thankyou for your caring spirit.
sincerely.
kim anderson
membership administrator
kanderson@strokenetwork.org
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Hi Kim, it’s good to have you here. Thanks for the good works you’re doing and for your unique perspective on things. I hope you’ll return often, your experience is so valuable. ~ Jean
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FAB site happy HEALTHLY holidays to all!
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