ASKING FOR HELP
You’ve done everything in your power to care for your loved one, even as they require more and more care. You run like crazy all day long and collapse, exhausted, at night. But as tired as you are, you want to continue caring for them at home. And that’s wonderful of you. But if you get sick from exhaustion or stress, you’ll be of no help to yourself or your loved one. So maybe it’s time to ask for a little help so you can stop spinning occasionally and take a much-needed break. Please learn from our caregiver mistakes: so many of us ended up sick, and saying, “I should have asked for help sooner!”.
CHOOSING A HOME-CARE WORKER
By: Elinor Ginzler | Source: AARP.org
When did you realize that your loved one needed help? For some people, the recognition came with a phone call—”Mom has fallen and broken her hip,” or, “Dad has had a stroke.” For others, the awareness comes gradually—they might notice that Mom can’t get around like she used to, or that Dad’s forgetfulness has gotten progressively worse.
Whether the need for you to play a caregiving role comes quickly, slowly, or in fits and starts, you really are better off not trying to provide all the care by yourself. You need help! Why? Because when you share the care, you can be sure that your loved one gets all the attention he or she needs. For many caregivers, hiring a home-care worker is a good solution. A trained home-care aide can help you meet the needs of your loved one while he or she remains safely at home.
But hiring someone can be a tricky business. So, here are some tips and resources to consider if your loved one needs assistance at times when you can’t be there. Read the rest of the article:
http://www.aarp.org/family/caregiving/articles/choosing_a_home_care_worker.1.html
CARE.COM
An online “classified ad” site with caregivers looking for home care work. Descriptions, pictures (sometimes), and references.
http://www.care.com/senior-care
HOSPICE HELP
There are many places you can turn to for help: family; friends; church; hospice; in-home care assistance. It can be hard to ask for help from non-professionals, but if you wait too long the help you will need will exceed picking up groceries or medication, or giving you a break. If you wait too long, you’ll have to ask someone to care for both of you, or to take over for you while you’re in the hospital. Please take a minute to read the information below. First of all, get over the idea that hospice care is “end of life care”. That’s simply not true. Here are some common Hospice “Myths and Realities” from HospiceDirectory.org:
Myth: Hospice is a place. Reality: Hospice care usually takes place in the comfort of an individual’s home, but can be provided in any environment in which a person lives, including a nursing home, assisted living facility, or residential care facility.
Myth: Hospice means that the patient will soon die. Reality: Receiving hospice care does not mean giving up hope or that death is imminent. The earlier an individual receives hospice care, the more opportunity there is to stabilize a patient’s medical condition and address other needs.
Myth: Hospice is only for cancer patients. Reality: A large number of hospice patients have congestive heart failure, Alzheimer’s disease or dementia, chronic lung disease, or other conditions.
Myth: Patients can only receive hospice care for a limited amount of time. Reality: The Medicare benefit, and most private insurance, pays for hospice care as long as the patient continues to meets the criteria necessary. Patients may come on and off hospice care, and re-enroll in hospice care, as needed.
Myth: Hospice provides 24-hour care. Reality: The hospice team (which includes nurses, social workers, home health aides, volunteers, chaplains, and bereavement counselors) visits patients intermittently, and is available 24 hours a day/7 days a week for support and care. Some hospices are able to provide “continuous care,” but hospices must have a program in place for this to happen and hospice patients must meet certain criteria. Myth: All hospice programs are the same.
Reality: All licensed hospice programs must provide certain services, but the range of support services and programs may differ. In addition, hospice programs and operating styles may vary from state to state depending on state laws and regulations. Like other medical care providers, business models differ. Some programs are not-for-profit and some hospices are for-profit.
Myth: Hospice is just for the patient. Reality: Hospice focuses on comfort, dignity, and emotional support. The quality of life for the patient, and also family members and others who are caregivers, is the highest priority.
Myth: A patient needs Medicare or Medicaid to afford hospice services.
Reality: Although insurance coverage for hospice is available through Medicare and in 44 states and the District of Columbia under Medicaid, most private insurance plans, HMOs, and other managed care organizations include hospice care as a benefit. In addition, through community contributions, memorial donations, and foundation gifts, many hospices are able to provide patients who lack sufficient payment with free services. Other programs charge patients in accordance with their ability to pay.
There are more Myths and Realities at: HospiceDirectory.org, as well as sections about: About Hospice, Who is Eligible for Hospice, Paying for Hospice: Medicare/Medicaid/More Options, Hospice Stories, Caregiver’s Corner, and Frequently Asked Questions. One of the fastest way to find a hospice in your area would be to talk to your physician or NP and get their recommendation.
If you don’t need medical care help, just help with day-to-day things like eating and running errands for you or your loved one, there are also organizations like Home Instead Senior Care that will come to your home for however long you need them: just a few hours a day, if you want. They can provide companionship so you can get out and run errands or take a break, or help with eating, dressing, bathing, medication reminders, and many other services. So why not try having someone come in for a few hours a week and see what you think? If you’re a caregiver, wouldn’t a few hours to do nothing be great? Just to take a long bath and read, or have lunch with a friend? And if the help is for you, wouldn’t it be nice to have someone lend you a hand once in a while? Our own Henri R. works with Home Instead, and loves it.
Okay, I’ll stop lecturing, but I have to add my mother’s throw-up-her-hands-saying: “It’s your life!” Really? Your mom said that too?!?
Here are some more websites with great information about caregiver needs, and understanding and locating hospice and care assistance in your area:
Hospice Organizations listed by State
Preventing Caregiver Burnout Tips and Support for Family Caregivers
Alzheimer’s caregiving: Maintain your support network
Alzheimer’s caregiving can be too big a job for one person. Friends and family can help share the burden. Here’s how to ask for help.
Jean, your summary and advice about Hospice care is SO on target. Based upon the comments that have been posted, it has helped many! Having provided care through Hospice, I am familiar with the myths that pervade modern culture and sometimes prevail. Your clarifications are appreciated, as well as your humour! Thanks for all of your research. Continue in your diligence!
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Thanks, Suzanne, for the encouragement. I’ve learned so much about hospice and nursing homes from our caregiver comments and stories!
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Dear Friends, mom had to go to the ER Friday night and she was diagnosed with pneumonia in her left lung. She is alert, staying calm and still smiling and chuckling a little. They had to move her to the intensive care unit last night though b/c her oxygen level had dropped to 80 and they’ve been concerned since Friday about her going into sepsis. Once moved there, they got her more stable and she is doing better. Today, she is trying to get up about of bed more, so I’m hoping that’s a good sign. I spoke with the hospital psychiatrist today and she has stopped the two anti-psychotics she was on and will only have the nurse give her the Risperdol if she’s having trouble sleeping at night – another victory and now we just have to pray she continues to get better and can go back soon to her facility that she enjoys so much. I am so thankful to Elizabeth and Justina, the two nurses at her facility, who recognized the signs and did not hesitate to call the ambulance immediately. I ask for your prayers and positive thoughts to assist us in her safe and healthy return. Karen
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Karen,
So sorry to hear of the situation, and thank God they were on top of it, at the facility.
Your mom will be in my thoughts and prayers, as will you and your family. Please know we are thinking of you, and if possible update us when you can.
~Char
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Dear Karen,
So sorry to hear about your mom’s illness. I’m glad to hear that she is doing better now and you will both be in my thoughts and prayers. I hope she continues to improve quickly!
Your friend, Mary
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Dear Mary and Char, thank you both for your sweet thoughts. Mom is out of the CCU unit and back in a private room. They are giving her oxygen and the nurse took off her mittens tonight and she didn’t try and pull the tube out of her nose which was good. Her oxygen and blood pressure are good right now and no fever when I was there earlier, but then she started to get one I think just before I left. They’re taking excellent care of her and I am praying the antibiotics do their job and she doesn’t pick up anything else while there. I’ve been brushing her teeth and mouth with the mouth sponge and some safe anti-bacterial mouth rinse I brought in for the last 2 days. The facilities no matter how nice they are do not stay on top of the CNA’s and the dental hygiene upkeep in the patients and it is often just not bothered with and excess bacteria in the mouth can lead to all this. I picked up some thank you cards and roses for Elizabeth and Justina on my way home tonight and will drop them off with a note to the nursing director to give to them tomorrow at her facility. Hope everyone’s moms are also doing well and resting safe and sound in their beds.
Karen
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Dear Karen,
I just read your posts about your mom being in the hospital. I hope her fever has subsided and that she’s continuing to make progress towards recovery. And I hope you’re holding up okay. It is at these times when I wished we all lived near each other so we could swoop in and assist you somehow – meals to your family, running errands, sitting with your mom to give you a break…Know that we’re here for you Karen. You, your mom and your family are in our prayers.
Lisa
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Very well said, Lisa and I second it.
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Lisa, thanks so much for your very kind words. My mom is doing better and is scheduled to go back to the nursing home tomorrow. I hope it’s not too early. Today was a pretty stressful day b/c I got worried she might be at risk for losing her bed at her facility. I didn’t have time to eat breakfast, lunch or dinner today so I thought it was so sweet when I read your thoughtful reply to me. I appreciate it so much. I told her doctors when she first got there she’s full code, do everything they can for her; for if I were to lose her now it would be beyond devastation for me. She and I are in no way ready to throw in the towel yet. Karen
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Karen, I just caught up with your mom’s health update. I am so sorry she has been through so much over the past few days, and you too. So glad the nurses were able to get her the care your mom needed. I am sure they will continue to monitor her closely. I certainly understand that you are on overdrive and I get concerned when you aren’t eating., on top of being worried about your mom’s placement. Try to put some yogurt, bananas, nuts etc. in your purse. Even 7 Eleven has some of these items. I know it is hard to remember, but you have to stay healthy so you can visit with your mom. Stay positive, and know we are all with you…
Hugs to you and your family, Joyce
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Asking for help… so difficult sometimes. My 41-year-old cousin was diagnosed 2 days ago with advanced prostate cancer. The diagnosis is so new that it is not completely staged at this time. He is definitely stage 4 with mets to his spine (thoracic and cervical) and lymph nodes in the pelvis, neck and surrounding the aorta. He is (was, I guess) a professional water skier and now, not only does he have this terrible diagnosis, he has lost his entire way of life. He can no longer ski, even for recreation, due to his bone fragility and instability. Naturally the family is devastated, he has two children – a 16-year-old son and 12-year-old daughter. His wife is actually my cousin and she is also a professional skier although her current full-time employment is as an elementary physical education teacher. I am a nurse but am so angry and sad that I find it difficult to maintain my composure when asked for advice. They live in Florida and I am in Indiana so any assistance I might provide would be long-distance. The doctors have told Jeff to stay positive and at this point are telling him that he may live for decades with this diagnosis, although they also have said it is treatable but not curable at this stage.
I would welcome any advice any of you may have to offer, what treatments or options to pursue, what to expect and how to best care for one another. Jeff has already begun hormone therapy and is having hot flashes and cramps. In addition to the back pain, for which he was hospitalized initially, he is experiencing difficulty with bowels and bladder. Chemotherapy and radiation have been mentioned but I believe there are more scans and tests to be performed before a regimen is finalized. He had a kyphoplasty to stabilize his fractured vertebrae and is currently on IV and PO dilaudid and morphine. I would like to help his family care for him in the most respectful and dignified manner while also offering helpful information for treatment protocols and knowledge about what he can expect to experience during the course of this new journey. I will definitely share this site with Karla, his wife, but she is so overwhelmed right now that it may be a while before she can collect herself enough to follow through.
Thank you for taking the time to care. Sandi
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Sandi,
I don’t have advice to give you as I have no experience with this type of cancer. I did want to offer my support, though. This is a devastating situation and I know how scary it must be for all of you. You have definitely come to the right place for help in dealing with so much of what you will all be going through. I am glad your cousins have you in the picture to help them decipher some of the medical issues as well as to be a support for them in finding their way through this. Blessings to all of you-you will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Betsy
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Dear Sandi,
So glad you found your way here, and asking for help @ DLH is easy, isn’t it? We are here for you and welcome you and your cousin, Karla when she feels comfortable visiting and or commenting.
Like Betsy, I can not give out any medical advice, but will be here for you and your family. We all go through different situations in our caregiving journey.
I am sorry for your cousin’s health concerns, but it is so good to know he has a great team behind him. My Dad passed from this disease 20 years ago, at the time, treatment options were few and PC was something I knew, like alot of us at the time, very little about.
Today, I understand there are many treatment protocols and I am hoping your cousin finds one that works well for him. In the meantime, be gentle with yourself and your family, be there as much as you can long distance, if it is just to lend an ear. You will be in my thoughts, I hope you are able to keep us informed on the progress that is made.
With much caring,
~Char
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Hi Sandi, yes, truly a very scary and emotional time for all of you. Especially living far away.I also don’t have advice regarding medical issues other than never give up. The very best thing I did for me and my boyfriend who was very ill at the time was to find a support group of people locally who were going through the same or similar type medical issues as us (may be ask at the hospital when and where the support groups are). These people from the support group(s) not only gave us hope, many were doing very well and living very fulfilling lives. The other thing that has helped me lately, I put together a “dream team” list of peoples names and telephone numbers that I keep with me that have said they will be available at the drop of a hat should we need help right away. We may need last minute help with a variety of things just as your cousin may, such as pick up kids at school, meal preparation & food delivery a couple of times a week until the family has more time, laundry help, prescription pick ups, a friend or family member to stay with her husband or take the kids on an outing so that she can try and get some sleep, the list could go on and on. I also found that during some of my darkest times that I just needed to call someone and cry and talk on the phone with the receiving person on the other end of the phone just to listen and care-just like you are doing. Stay strong. You are all there for each other and that is half the battle. Keep writing here. We care.
ps: I forgot to mention (Dan was the one who brought it to my attention) that instead of the friends/family waiting on the caregiver to call them to ask for help, the “dream team” could just make it happen without the call, because we all know it is very rare that the caregiver is going to call for help. So, some how get a message to the friends/family on the dream team list to not wait to be asked to do things.
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Super ideas, Melisa. I, too, was in a support group of people in a similar situation. Mine was an online group, which worked well, even tho’ we didn’t often meet face to face. We were able to be in constant contact–and no one can support you like someone who’s been there.
Also loved your suggestion of a “dream team”. That is a wonderful idea. So many people want to help and many offer. But in our “scattered” caregiver place (from having so many new things to deal with) it’s hard to organize that aid. Having a list of people willing to help as well as a list of things that might need doing would go a long way in actually utilizing those offers–a win-win.
Betsy
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Sandi, I’m sorry to hear about your cousin; so young yet for this awful disease. I imagine it’s different for the professional caregiver when it’s family, but it’s obvious you’re already getting your emotions under control enough to be able to help them, and I’m sure this experience will make you an even better caregiver to others.
It’s nice that the doctors are giving him hope of decades of life – hope is a powerful medicine. But he still needs to get his living will done, if he hasn’t already done so – so should his wife – it’s just good to have it done, one less thing to worry about.
They’ll most likely continue the hormone therapy for as long as it works for him, watching the PSA levels; then radiation to cool the bone spots, but my understanding is it’s best to postpone chemo until all other treatments stop working because once you do the chemo you can’t go back to some of the other treatments. You know what morphine does to the body, so once he can get by with a less destructive pain killer, I imagine they’ll take him off the IV and on to something like Endocet.
Then he should get back to doing something as soon as he can – keeping busy (perhaps he could teach water skiing to kids?) is the best thing, takes the mind off of the pain, which is magnified when you’re doing nothing but thinking about the pain.
As you well know, every person and every cancer is different. The bodily stress of the fear and pain proves too much for some people’s systems and they succumb to the disease; others manage to fight their way through to grab every extra day they can. He’s young, which works for and against him with prostate cancer, but I hope his youth and previously active lifestyle will give him an edge. He might enjoy reading Lance Armstrong’s first book, “It’s Not About The Bike”, about his battle with testicular cancer – it’s a great read, and very inspirational.
Sandi, I wish I could tell you it’s going to be a piece of cake, but you’re all in for some tough days ahead. They’ll both be putting on a brave face for the kids, and that alone will take a lot of energy. Karla is going to have so much on her plate. Just be there for them – having someone you know you can call and ask questions of at any hour of the day is huge. Do the internet research for them – it will be too scary for them to read about side effects and prognoses. Help them to take it one day at a time; one hour at a time. Help them get through the hardest days and celebrate the smallest victories with them.
You can do this – you’ll find the strength. Stay in touch, we’re here for you. ~ Jean
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Dear Sandi
Sorry to hear about the bad news of your cousin, recently I just learned the amazing story of a cancer survivor Kris Carr, she was diagnosed advanced stage 4 cancer of her liver and both lungs at the age of 31, she is now 39, now a wellness warrior, lives a happy life, read her story, maybe it will help your cousin, he is still young.
(1) here is the experiencelife magazine website:
http://www.experiencelife.com/issues/past-issue-archive.php
please click April 2011
and find the article about Kris Carr
From Crazy Sexy Cancer to Carzy Sexy Life ~ how she became a wellness warrior
(2) or you can go to her own website
http://www.crazysexylife.com
Best Regards,
Bill
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Dear Bill,
Thank you for this wonderful information on Kris, when time allows I will read her story, as it sounds very inspirational. I too think the story would be a great help to Sandi, her cousin and family. I love the term wellness warrior, as we all have to fight for our well being in life don’t we…. Thank you again for posting.
~Char
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Thanks so much for your encouragement and advice. Jeff is home and trying to wrap his head around all the changes. He is going to begin chemotherapy on the 21st but it isn’t something he is comfortable talking about yet. Melisa, I love your suggestion of a dream team and will share that with Jeff and Karla. I’m sure they will need that support through the upcoming days. I’ll also share the web site and reading materials with them, both Lance Armstrong and Kris Carr will provide the inspiration needed for those moments when someone who hasn’t walked through the fire can’t possibly understand. I will try to keep you updated on the developments, hoping for some positive news and at the same time preparing for battle. Thanks again to all! Sandi
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Hi Sandi,
I will be thinking of all of you on the 21st. It’s ok that Jeff doesn’t feel he can or wants to talk now, as he has to live it…. it’s all about what is good for him . Being able to remain calm and level headed, to be there in person, or long distance with a hug, smile, or kind word for Jeff and or Karla is so necessary. Yes…. you can do this, and will be in our thoughts … be strong ,live strong… just for today, as it is ok to take one day at a time here @ DLH….
~Char
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An excellent battle plan, Sandi. Stay in touch – we’ll be waiting to hear how you’re all doing whenever you’re able to share. ~ Jean
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Sandi – I’ll keep you and family in my thoughts and prayers. I’m also a nurse in Indiana – Indy specifically. Being the nurse in the family isn’t always an easy job as you well know. For me, I’ve found it helpful to try and be more the daughter, sister, mother etc than the nurse – easier said than done. Hang in there and keep us posted. <3 Marietta
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It’s a small world, Marietta! I am in Indy off and on, one of my daughters lives in Fishers. Relationships get very complicated, it’s so hard to untangle the emotions and maintain any semblance of objectivity sometimes, trying to wear the “nurse hat” one minute and the “friend hat” the next. Jeff has begun a three-week course of radiation and was just informed that he will require monthly chemotherapy treatments “for the rest of his life.” We’re still trying to process the old information while we deal with the new issues that arise.
A friend suggested a helpful web site which ties in with Melisa’s “dream team” suggestion. It seems that I vaguely remember some restriction about including links with our posts so I hope this isn’t in violation of any requests. The site is called: TakeThemAMeal. com and it coordinates meal provision for those in need. I’m sure it would be helpful to many, which is why I have shared it. I apologize if I’ve made a mistake for doing so.
Thank you all for your continued thoughts and prayers. Jeff is drawing strength from those around him, taking life a day at a time.
Sandi
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Hi Sandi,
Thank you for the link, and I too agree it will be helpful to many.
Meal preparation takes time and strength something caregivers and patients do not much of. When you include a link in your comment, the comment will not show up immediately, but will be held for moderation.
Jeff sounds like he is on a sound path, sending out positive thoughts and prayer
as you all continue with him on his journey.
~Char
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After several weeks of treatment and a few hopeful developments, I just received an update, not good news I’m afraid. After Jeff’s most recent series of scans, brain metastases were identified. For now, he is proceeding with treatment but this information has a significant impact on his prognosis. On top of that, I learned today that an old and dear friend (Dave), who has been battling renal cancer for almost a year, has been told that the cancer has progressed and that he can expect 3 to 6 months to live. He is 57 and his greatest concern is for others, his wife, children and grandkids. Cancer really sucks, looking forward to the day it has been wiped off the face of the earth. In spite of the sunshine, it’s been a rather dark day. Thank you for your kind comments, thoughts and prayers, I hope you’ll continue to remember these men and send positive energy their way.
Sandi
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Sandi,
It has always been my greatest prayer for cancer to be eradicated in our lifetime, as we continue to educate and support with faith, hope, prayer.
Please know we are thinking of you and sending out hope and prayers for Jeff and Dave.
~Char
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Oh, Sandi, too much bad news for one day – of course it was a dark day for you. Poor Jeff, and poor Dave, and their loved ones, enduring the hell that is waiting for test results, and then getting bad news. We’ll gladly send our thoughts, prayers, and positive energy to both of them, and a smidge for you as well.
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Char,Suggestion: Keep being young at heart, and continue being the encourager that you are to so many on this website.
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Ditto, Char. jf
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Double Ditto Char, Hugs, Karen
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Thanks all, I will try my best!
~Char
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Char, hugs, mwwaaah!!
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Raising a glass (of Coke Zero) to you as well, Char — Cheers!!
Laurel
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lots of gratitude with a mixture of hugs and kisses to all
~Char
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TRIPLE Ditto Char!! You are an inspiration! I miss ya Sister:)
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Char – continue to be your wonderful self! You’re an inspiration and blessing to so very many people. xo
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Hi Ladies, Happy New Year to All. I’m sitting here with a sore back myself and reading about all your back woes.
Lisa, re. the wheelchair issues: my grandmother is in a wheelchair and I am recollecting that when she would get transported around there was always a board that was used that she would slide from the car to the chair to get in and out on. Maybe this is a standard thing with wheelchair users and you all ready use it, but I just remember that board is key, or else things can get really scary for all, especially my grandmother if she feels unstable by whoever is handling her.
Char, Jean, Joyce, Lisa, to comment on your topic of back care if you have some advice or input for me, please share. How bad are your backs? Do any of you know if you have any ruptures or herniated discs? The reason I ask is I recently had a lumbar MRI that showed my herniated disc, but I’ve known I’ve had this problem for awhile now as it showed up on the last MRI a few years back. I’m having one more MRI done on my hip and then I’ll go talk to my back doctor next week and see what he suggests too. They always give you physical therapy as an option, but I’m not interested in that anymore. I want to work on it my own way. I have aggravated it in the past though doing yoga, but I would like to work on the core strengthening. Jean, it sounds like you have had even worse episodes than me as I know you’ve been almost incapacitated a few times when it’s flared up on you. I want to work on strengthening, but I’m leary of reinjuring it too. I think I’m going to try your suggestions and you are so right in suggesting mornings upon wakening that is a great idea. I’ve been told also before bed stretching the hip to avoid hip pain that I also have is also a good idea, but I haven’t got into a routine of doing that yet.
Additionally, I swear by Tiger Balm. Does anyone else use it? I’ve suggested it to a lot of people that were amazed how much it helped them. It can even be used on your forehead when you have a migraine to help soothe the pain, if you don’t mind the camphor eucalyptus smell. My husband minds it but I don’t. I don’t recommend the red sports stuff though, only the white as the red burns and it stains your clothes. I’ve noticed sometimes drug stores sometimes only have the red in stock and people may buy the wrong one.
Other topicals to help soothe a hurt back are also Ibuprofen cream applied directly. You can have your doctor give you a prescription for it, but you have to find a compound pharmacy to make it up for you. I found a Walgreens that was also a compound pharmacy in my area and also insurance will pay for it.
Another one that my back clinic likes to use is called Voltaren gel.
You just have to try different things and sees what helps. For me, the Voltaren & Ibuprofen cream have worked amazing for me in the past on pulled muscles and things like that, but when my back gets sore I usually prefer the Tiger Balm probably for its numbing effect on the pain and then I just eat Ibuprofen as much as I can tolerate to reduce the swelling internally.
It’s such a painful thing. I feel for you all literally!
Karen
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Karen, my back woes started while shoveling snow with one of those giant push shovels in Colorado years ago. The snow was wet and a big clump had accumulated on the shovel so I lifted it straight up and jerked down to get the snow to slide off. STUPID!! I actually heard the crack in my lower back. I was in my late 40′s so within a few weeks I was out shoveling (carefully, and with regular snow shovels!) again. I never had it checked so I don’t know if I did any actual damage. I only had problems off and on if I lifted something really heavy or awkward, but then my husband Dan got sick and the combination of the cancer in his bones and the wonderful/terrible drugs he was taking meant I was lifting more and more frequently, in weird positions. Which led to the exercises.
I would suggest you ask your doctor about Pilates-based physical therapy when you see him this week.
I do like Tiger Balm, and Sports Cream, but really like my frozen peas and hot water bottle best. I only take pain stuff if it’s really bad, and then I take an Advil with a coke – weeeee!
jf
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Hi Jean, it wasn’t your fault. It’s always something that will cause a back to go out probably because something was brewing. All it takes is a wrong turn, a wrong bend, etc. If it hadn’t been the snow shoveling, it would have been something else like when I leaned down the wrong way at the water cooler and mine went out last year! I will ask them, but I figure if they want me to work with their physical therapists, then it’s OK for me to do my own thing too. I use to be a bit of a workout fiend when I was in my 20′s & 30′s so I learned a lot about proper form and all that, so I just need to be careful and go slow like you suggested.
If you ever do decide to get it checked, please get an MRI instead of letting any doctors talk you into preliminary x-rays instead which are totally unnecessary if you get the MRI. Who needs all that radiation, you know…I feel the same about mammograms and so does my doctor who monitors that situation for me who is also a Duke trained surgeon ONLY b/c I have the dense breast tissue and the mammos don’t see all my cysts and other possible bad things because of the dense tissue. He orders me a breast MRI so I can avoid all the unnecessary radiation, but in-between those, we do regular ultrasound checks at his office once or twice/yr.
I think I will give world peace, or was it whirled peas, a try! And I like those pads with the beads you heat up in the microwave, but I’m guessing the hot water bottle probably stays hot longer, so I think I will give that a try as well, glad you mentioned that again. Thanks!
Karen
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I find a Coke is also helpful when I have a migraine.
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Hi Karen – I have 3 bulged disks in my lower back. I have had back problems since I was a teenager, lifting 50-75 lb. bags of plaster for my dad. I have been confined to bed twice for six weeks at a time because of my back. I was so bad I couldn’t even bend to use the toilet without screaming. I had another MRI last month and am deciding if I should have cortizone injections. My pain management doctor who is treating my fibromyalgia recommends aquatic therapy. I love the water, but I do not love going to the YMCA which is the only facility available. I would give about anything to have an Endless Pool Water Well with treadmill! Anyway, the medication I am on for my fibro is really helping me with the back pain and stiffness. I can finally go up & down stairs without grunting!
Just doing a little of what Jean is suggesting with the ball kinda freaks me out
, but I am sure if I would start slow it would help. I tried Pilates for a little while years ago but stopped because my lower back (core) was just too weak. My back is stronger now (I just shoveled two snowfalls of 8″ & 6″) and am feeling pretty good. The best would be to lose some weight which I can’t seem to do for a lot of reasons. I have not heard of the creams and gels you mentioned. I will try to find them here. I have used Capcacian (sp?), but I am always afraid of getting it my eyes or petting my cats. I am allergic to ibuprofen.
Anyone that has ever has back pain can understand the pain. I hope you get some answers with the MRI and you can find some relief!
And Jean, I love my giant push shovel but not with wet snow. Ouch!
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Hi Joan , ouch is right, it sounds like you are definitely high on the list in the bad backs club. The Voltaren gel my doctor said does not have Ibuprofen in it, but it is considered a NSAID. The Tiger Balm is over-the-counter of course and if you use it just put in on with a disposable glove like I do, because yes, you definitely don’t want it on your hands and then possibly accidentally rubbing it in your eyes. Also, a new thing they’ve started doing at my back clinic which is called Carolina Back Institute if you want to refer to them is laser therapy on problem areas. Have you heard of this yet? The big advantage is that it is non-invasive. My vet who goes to the same clinic for his bad back and has had the laser therapy performed on himself there claims good results and is also doing it on pets with bad hips too now. It’s something my doctor will talk with me about as a possible therapy when I go back to him for the follow-up after my MRI results are in. It sounds like you’re doing much better these days which is wonderful news. I’d love to know what prescriptions you’re taking that are helping out so much. As far as the weight thing goes, we who are over-weight tend to think that about losing weight that it will help b/c it seems like it makes a lot of sense, but I can tell you I know many people who have no weight issues or have very low body fat that also have back problems as well. Having said that I still think that losing weight off the stomach can only benefit and help relieve some of the added pressure regardless. I’m joining Weight Watchers with a friend this week, weather-permitting, we’ve been planning this since before X-mas. Wish me luck! Karen
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Good luck my dear!!! If it time for you to lose weight, you will! My back has been a problem at all different weights, so I agree with you.
Thanks for the info on the creams. No, I have not heard of laser therapy. I will ask when I see my Dr. this week. It sounds promising. If a vet is using it in his practice, it must do something!?! My vet is a good friend of mine – I will ask her about it too.
I am taking Savella 2/day. I tried Lyrica and swelled up like a balloon. I’ve tried all the “cures” for fibro, but Savella is the only thing that has worked so far. As it works on overactive nerves, maybe it would work for you? You may want to ask your dr. about it.
Have a great day tomorrow, everyone!
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Hi Karen,
Thank you so much for telling me about using the board to transport your grandmother to her wheelchair. My friend’s upper body strength is still intact so I think that may work with her. I think I’ll send a copy of that YouTube video to her and her husband so they can see how the board works and we’ll go from there. I really want to be able to get her out of the house and spend time together (and to give her sweet husband a break and some time to himself), but I have to be protective of my back since I still have young children that require so much of me. I hope this idea works out.
I’m sorry to hear that you have such serious back issues. It can be so discouraging to keep trying when you don’t feel well and you just want some relief from the pain. But it sounds like you’re doing everything you can to address it and select the best treatment. My best advice, I guess, is just that. Keep seeking until you find what works for you. I had all but given up after years of trying different approaches until I finally met the woman I call “The Miracle Worker.” She’s an Osteopath and she’s just incredibly intuitive when it comes to the body. In short, she gave me my life back. I’m beyond grateful. I think once I strengthen my core, I’ll be even more confident when it comes to lifting. I’m excited!
I’ve had friends and family talk about the great results they’ve experienced using Tiger Balm. Personally, I prefer a product called Arnicare, which is arnica gel, a homeopathic product made by Boiron. Again, you really just have to keep trying products and find what works for you.
I hope you find answers regarding your herniated disk and hip. I’ll be thinking about you and praying for a positive outcome.
Take good care,
Lisa
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I’ve used Arnica Gel too, it’s good stuff, and good for bruising as well. ~ Jean
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Hi Lisa , what an angel you are to your good friend and her family trying to help out. Let us know how she makes out, hopefully, they can develop a good system for getting her in and out safely and if it just gets too difficult after awhile, then a van with a lift might be in order. Luckily, my uncle a retired Lockheed engineer, was able to construct one for my grandmother for her house to get her in and out easily at home. She and my grandfather are now 93 & 97 respectively, so they don’t venture out too much anymore these days, but they still live at home together, do their own cooking and still are pretty much self-sufficient. There is a lady that comes over in the mornings and helps my grandmother with her shower, buys their groceries and does some light house-keeping for them.
I’m going to ask my doctor about arnica gel and may try it. I thought it sounded familiar and then Jean reminded me when she mentioned the use for bruising also.
We’ll all have to have a sore backs pain rubbing toast together for a happy and healthy new back this year!
Take care, Karen
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Karen, So sorry your back continues to bother you. I wish I had some advice to offer.
I seem to “throw out” my back after over use by the smallest movement. I tend to move without thinking, and get myself in trouble. I “eat the Ibuprofen” even though it ends up not being so good for the tummy. I have also been hesitant about trying some exercises for fear of injury. When I don’t exercise at all it really tighten up. Thx for suggesting the topical creams. I’ll be sure to look for the white one!
Good luck with the back doctor. Joyce
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Hi Joyce! Thanks! We had some bad weather here so I had to reschedule the dr. visit for another 2 weeks out. I’m anxious to start my stretching & exercise program though. I know, you have to be careful with the ibuprofen, make sure you take them on a full stomach. I have some great news to report today, I was able to move my mom close to home and get her into a really nice first rate nursing home. Now, I am just praying everything else works out, like she doesn’t do anything bad to want them to kick her out and she gets approved for Medicaid as well. Please keep us in your prayers too that all works out. This is all so critical. I prayed over X-mas for a miracle come January and it seems like my prayers have been answered. I asked my dear dad in heaven to help me find her a place, we had a long talk about it! Well, my mom needs to do her part now and be a good girl. She was great at the last place, but she had her own room. Here at the new place, they have to share rooms, so I’m a little nervous about that. Please keep us in your prayers this all works out. It’s going to be so nice to wake up in the morning tomorrow and be able to be there in 20 minutes. The place is beautiful. I still can’t believe our luck, but we’re still not out of the woods though yet. I’m still cautiously optimistic, but I also do feel much lighter all ready too. My husband, keeps telling me not to get my hopes up too much in case something doesn’t work out. He knows there is still a lot that can go wrong. I am most worried about her pulling someone out of a bed or something like that. She’s never done it anywhere where she had a private room, but she has done it a few times in one facility where she had roommates. I think she was getting mixed up though and going in the wrong rooms. No one got hurt though fortunately. All I can do is pray and hope that the nursing home works with me on helping her to adjust well.
Take care of you too Joyce with that sore back. At least you don’t have to worry about shoveling snow where you’re at right! Hugs, Karen
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Karen, Great news about your mom. I understand about getting your mom into a quality home that you feel good about AND that it is closer to home. That is quite an accomplishment! I will be sending all my positive wishes to you across the miles. I understand your emotions and optimism.
My mother put me through the wringer because she was “asked to leave” her assisted living home a number of times. I dreaded checking my message machine. Every day I didn’t have a message waiting for me was a good day. Try not to worry about all of the possibilities of things that can go wrong. Focus on the positive.
There will probably be some transitions to work through and adjustments.
I found myself being as nice as I could be to the staff and bringing snacks and treats to them. I thought bribery could work in my favor….
You have a such a warm and kind heart and I know you won’t need treats to win over the staff.
Let me know how the week goes.
Thinking of you, Joyce
BTW- I remember my first back injury when I was sent out to shovel as a teenager and I slipped on the ice and took a major spill in my driveway. Landed smack on my back.
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Karen,
Great news finding a first rate place for your Mom so close to your home. Try not to stress too much about her fitting in and adjusting right now.
I am sure the home understands it takes their new residents time to feel at home and comfortable in their environment. The good thing is that you are close enough to be there quickly if a situation comes up. Right now for our sake try just to relax and give thanks for such a wonderful post holiday gift!
My thoughts and prayers are with you as you travel down this new road, and all make the adjustments that must be made. Everyday we are handed a new slate, draw a happy face on yours, and put your feet up (watch your back) and exhale slowly. Good job sweet Karen.
~Char
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Karen, I’m so glad to hear the nursing home you’ve been hoping for finally worked out! Hopefully your mother will really like her roommate and adjust well to her beautiful new home. Have you told them about the previous incidents so they can take precautions? Once she’s settled in it might be wise, and may head off any serious injuries to others. Speaking of shoveling snow, that’s what I just came in from doing. It’s slushy and heavy, but pretty. ~ Jean
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A dear friend of mine in her mid-70′s has recently been diagnosed with Atypical Parkinson’s Syndrome. It just broke my heart when I arrived at her door to take her to lunch one day before Christmas, and saw how quickly it was progressing. Last time we were together she had a walker and now she’s in a wheelchair.
I ended up with a very sore back from transporting her from the van to her wheelchair and then back again. It made me wonder if there were how-to videos out there regarding the best way to get a disabled person in and out of a vehicle and wheelchair. I found a product promoted on YouTube and wondered if anyone out there has ever used such a system or something similar. Or, perhaps someone can refer me to a site that provides a better method for accomplishing such a feat, with minimal wear and tear on the back. I know my friend’s husband is also experiencing back pain from all the transporting going on. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Here’s the YouTube download: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TIzGH7pDck
Lastly, I read a quote recently that seemed fitting for the road I’m about to walk as I commit to giving my friend’s husband a break at least once a week, more if I can: “Tending to someone in need is no simple affair. It means entering into the entire “problem” or “chaos” of that person’s particular situation. In fact, that’s how I would define mercy; the willingness to enter into the chaos of others.” ~ James F. Keenan S.J. It’s truly my honor to do so.
Thank you all for being here and of course, my thanks to Jean for creating a place that I feel so comfortable coming to.
~Lisa
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Lisa, those awkward positions you get into when helping someone in and out of bed or a chair are terrible for your back – I tried so many different methods and positions, but still was in continual pain. The only thing that finally worked for me was developing a morning routine of exercises for my lower back. I’d reconciled myself to the back pain until one day, when I bent to pick something up off of the floor and my legs collapsed under me. I had to crawl up the stairs on all fours and was in bed for two days, during which time I did some research to find the best exercises for my lower back.
What I read (and heard from friends) led me to Pilates. I ordered a Pilates ball and a book/DVD called “Pilates On The Ball” by Colleen Craig and went through the whole routine, eventually narrowing it down to exercises that I could tell were helping my lower back – the abdominal core exercises. The abdominal muscles make up the Pilates “powerhouse”, or “girdle of strength”. There is one core muscle in particular that is important for lower back pain – the “transversus abdominis”. It’s the deepest of the four abdominals – it WRAPS AROUND YOUR WAIST and STABILIZES YOUR LUMBAR SPINE. When your core muscles are strong they can actually assist your back when you lift, putting less strain on it. Makes perfect sense!
One exercise in particular made a difference for me, and even if I don’t have time to do anything else, I still do this one exercise every day: the “Single Leg Stretch”. When I first started doing it, I had to do the modified version (the sissy version) because it hurt my lower back to do the more advanced position. But after two weeks I was able to lower my legs a little more without pain (it’s a floor exercise, lying on your back), and after a while my feet were barely off the ground, my abdominals were stronger, and my lower back felt great – no pain, even with the continual awkward lifting positions. It’s amazing, but even 10 minutes of exercise in the morning can make a huge difference in the rest of your day.
Ball: http://www.amazon.com/FitBALL-Pearl-Exercise-Ball-Black/dp/B000NGX1PW/ref=sr_1_5?s=hpc&ie=UTF8&qid=1294632505&sr=1-5
Book: http://www.amazon.com/Pilates-Ball-Comprehensive-Book-Workout/dp/0892810955/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1294632638&sr=8-1-catcorr
I LOVE that quote, I’ll remember it as “Mercy is the willingness to enter into the chaos of others.” Beautiful, thank you for sharing it with us. jf
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Dear Jean, I knew you’d come through for me! I will order that today. It’s exciting to think that it may help in more ways than one, as I’ve had lower back problems off and on for years – ever since I went skydiving and landed REALLY hard which caused a compressed fracture that went untreated for two months (I was young and dumb – thought the pain would just go away one day and I didn’t need any medical care – have paid for it ever since! But what a memory…at least until the landing part.
Did you look at the transport product on YouTube? My first thought was that it looked a little demeaning to the person who had to wear it, but then I thought, perhaps if it made it easier for them to get in and out of the vehicle/chair they would be okay with it?
Thank you again for your advice. Glad you liked the quote. I think I’m going to write it out to have it in front of me for awhile.
~Lisa
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Lisa, I’m so glad you’re going to get the book/DVD, because you can find these exercises on YouTube, but they don’t talk to you about how to get up, or how to use a different exercise position, when your back is already sore. And I love the ball (I ordered it from Amazon and it looks like a giant pearl), I actually sit on it at my desk when I’m going to be spending a lot of time there. Be sure you order the right size:
55 cm for people 5’0″ to 5’7″ and 65 cm for people 5’8″ to 6’2″, according to Colleen Craig’s website.
jf
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And Lisa, I did finally get to see the YouTube video – oh my gosh, that woman was lifting with only her lower back! No lifting with the knees, no supporting her upper body with her arms…it hurt my back just watching it. Now, if the wheelchair had no arms, and you could slide someone across the pad without lifting them, that would be helpful. But from what I could see, this invention actually is worse for your back, because it forces you to reach down even lower to lift the person. Just my (strongly felt) opinion! jf
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Yes, it made me hurt too but I thought it was just because I’m sensitive to such movements! (It also made me hurt to think of you on your knees after you hurt your back and then having to crawl up the stairs to bed. I’m so sorry that you went through that.) I just assumed that all wheelchair arms are removable but perhaps that’s not true. I’ll have to check my friend’s chair more closely. I did go on Amazon but didn’t see the ball so thought I’d check our local sporting goods place. I’ll take another look when I leave here. Funny that I’ve been getting the message about the need to strengthen my core from a couple different places…here, my osteopath and several news items I’ve seen on tv recently. Okay, okay, I’m finally hearing it. Off to Amazon I go (through the LL website of course!)
)
~Lisa
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OK, jf that’s twice now that something has been written that I was experiencing at about the same time. And now these comments from both yourself and Lisa, on back pain…
That is my situation today. I thought because I was busy taking down our Christmas tree, and running up and down the stairs, that perhaps I did something to my lower back. But now thinking back to a few days ago, Rich was back in the hospital for more surgery, and of course getting him there involves a wheelchair, I think when I took it out of my car trunk, I must have pulled something.. and today’s activities just were the breaking point. Lisa, I am going to try Jean’s advice, how about you?
In the meantime, jf, I am experiencing the need for world peace, and the end to all illnesses…. shall we try for three in a row?
Great quote from you, Lisa.
~Char
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Yep, Char, you can almost always look back 2 or 3 days and remember what you did that made your back hurt today. Please remember about putting ice on sore muscles for 15 minutes (no more) to reduce inflammation. Then when you take the ice off and the muscles start to warm, fresh blood will flow in and help the healing process. I always have a bag of frozen peas handy for sore muscles or for when hammers fall on my head (!) they mold to all shapes. Then you can put them on the floor and spin them around and you’ll have Whirled Peas, which is as close to world peace as I can give, at least until I’ve had some coffee. ;-} jf
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Hi All, I appreciate all the info on strengthening the core. I also have back issues and have to remember to more mindful. I recently sprained my ankle and my whole alignment is off.
I am not following any exercise routine and I feel it.
I will try to use the ball at home. Just reading the posts gives me some incentive and I can be motivated by a buddy program.
I also have the frozen peas in the freezer. It is very important to not apply them directly onto your skin and to wrap them in a towel. I just read this and it made sense, but I just can’t exactly quote why. Remember the 15 minute rule that Jean mentioned.
I’ll keep my eyes out for any tips on moving adults from wheelchair to van etc. I have friends in healthcare and I will ask them what do they do to prevent back strain.
My mom was in a wheelchair on and off for years. I was always so worried about making the transition a smooth one for her that I never really thought about my own body movements. I was also younger…It would be much more of a concern for me at this age.
So take care, and be careful.
Joyce P.S. I finally get the Whirled Peas reference…
I
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Hi Joyce,
And thank you for checking on any tips for moving adults from wheelchair to van and back. I’m anxious for any information as I’d really like to care more consistently for my friend without risking my back.
I’m sorry you’re having back and now ankle issues. Char and I are going to try the exercises that Jean recommended. Want to join us? Perhaps we can check in with each other (see my post to Char?) Just a thought to help us move ourselves up the priority list.
You take care too!
Lisa
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Whirled peas? How great is that? I haven’t completely read this thread, but couldn’t resist the clever reply. My sister arrived from Hawaii today!!! It’s about 12 degrees here – she’s fit to be tied. LOL
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Hi Char,
) I hope your back feels better soon.
Yes, I like that quote a lot. And yes, let’s go for three in a row (I love your sense of humor!) I’m sorry to hear that you’re experiencing back pain. I agree with Jean – ice makes an amazing difference. I also add in the Ibuprofen if I’m really hurting. I am going to take Jean’s advice. Shall we check in with each other in a week or so and see how we’re doing with it – a little accountability exercise??? I’m game if you are.
~Lisa
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Hey Lisa,
I’m in!
~char
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Uh oh, now I’ve done it. I’m committed! Okay, I’m going to check in with you next Sunday. Still waiting to hear if Joyce is going to join in. Any others?
~Lisa
P.S. Ummm…just one question – what exactly are we committing to! A certain number of times this week?
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Dear Lisa,
Ok, We can commit to doing the exercises, taking much better care of ourselves, and being aware of how we are bending, and such. I think I really just over did shoveling, way too much lifting, etc, but that’s all it takes.
I am still flabbergasted (always wanted to use that word) over the ” whirled peas” comment from Jean, how does she think of this stuff??
Take care of yourself and your back will take care of you!…. original…NOT!
Be well.
~Char
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I think the most important thing would be to get familiar with the exercises and the correct way to do them, find 3 faves that strengthen the abdominals, and then COMMIT to doing at least those 3 every morning. 3 exercises x 3 reps of 20 = 6 minutes – a small price to pay to avoid chronic back pain. Remember, start very slow – go easy on your poor backs. When I started the Single Leg Stretch with the ball, I could do maybe 15, with my feet extending way up towards the ceiling, before my back said “Stop!”. It took probably 6 months for me to get up to 50 reps with my feet barely off the floor, and that’s what I still do. Keep in mind, if you’re having acid reflux, that the exercises that lift your hips higher than your shoulders may aggravate it. We can check in on the one-year anniversary of DLH, February 1st, to see which exercises each of you chose, and how it’s going.
Thanks Char, but I didn’t think of the term “Whirled Peas” – growing up in California in the 70′s, I saw “Envision Whirled Peas” on bumper stickers fairly often. Groovy. jf
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jf,
Well, I think if I saw that bumper sticker, while attending college in Boston, in the 70′s, I would have thought…
wow…. psychedelic veggies
do-it-do-do, feelin’ groovy
~Char
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Sounds great. Typically I’m not good at trying something new – I tend to put off such things while I ponder the possibilities – thus the reason I thought we should check in at the end of the week so that I couldn’t dilly dally (I’VE always wanted to use those two words – ha!) too much. However, Jean’s more prudent approach sounds more reasonable – she is one reasonable gal, among so many other incredible attributes. Feb. 1st it is. Thank you, Char and Jean!
~Lisa
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Great advice Jean (like that is a surprise) So true about core muscles. Also using body mechanics as they called it when I went to nursing school. I know you addressed that, but in the “real” world it’s not easy to do. While knocking on wood I will say through luck/good body mechanics and a fairly strong core I’ve avoided any major back injuries during my nursing career. I am very grateful that my Mom is very little so don’t anticipate having a problem “handling” her if/when that becomes needed. I love all you guys here! Thanks.
Marietta
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Hey Marietta,
How is it going with Mom and your sister? I know you took FMLA,it helps not having to worry and stress about working at the same time, you are trying to handle family situations. Thinking of you all.
~Char
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Char – things are starting to settle into place. My sister arrived on Saturday and has been an absolute Godsend – she is one of those folks that gets things done/organized and onto the next task while I’m still scratching my head trying to figure out what task to tackle first. It is SO GOOD to have her here though.
I will be going back to work on Friday – for now. I think it will be a good distraction. I like my job and the folks with whom I work. Since none of us really knows how quickly/slowly things will progress I’m going to try to take it one day at a time. Would rather save the leave for the latter stages of this process. When my dad got sick with pancreatic cancer it was only 6 weeks. My heart tells me it won’t be that quick with Mom.
How are you doing Char? I am so grateful to Jean and her helping angels including you for this site – kindred spirits! Thanks for asking – I will be here often even if I don’t post all the time. Really hoping to meet you someday soon – maybe Peoria in August???? :0)
Sweet dreams to all!
Marietta
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As we all think of and prayer for Char/husband, I thought I’d add a more “feeling good” post… I am getting cover letters ready to submit, along with my resume, to personnel at one of our local hospitals. After 16 years of being a stay-at-home mom, I am going stir crazy and anxious to utilize more of my talents and abilities. Fortunately, I already have a current resume printed and ready to send. One our local hospitals recently hired a new, full-time medical director for their adult inpatient psychiatry unit….changes will be a-comin’ as a result. I’ve spoken with the new director (a very approachable female doctor), and we know the medical director/VP of the hospital itself, so I’ve already established some good connections. My name is out there, and I do believe there is some truth to the old adage, “It’s not what you know, but who (should be “whom”) you know. Ideally, I’d like to latch on to a part-time (RN) or, better yet, prn (as needed)/on call position. With the latter, I would have more control over picking and choosing my hours. I’ll keep y’all updated, but I’m definitely excited. In this economy, employment is not always easy to come by, especially when one is not looking for a full-time position. Have a great day, everyone!! It is a bit cooler here today, and there is a nice breeze
~Ann
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P.S. If hired, I will REFUSE to wear any clothing looking at all like that worn by the nurses at the top of the “Helping Hands” page-HA!!! In fact, in every job I’ve had as a psych RN, I wore “regular” clothes-COOL!!!
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Congratulations Ann, I am so happy to hear of your potential good fortune!
I have worked so long that I don’t know if I’d be able to stay home. I never got married or had any kids, I just worked. My family kind of took two paths in life; either you got married & divorced 100 times or you didn’t get married at all, ha-ha!
You’ll enjoy being able to get out & meet new people. It’s amazing the things that you learn.
My Mom is 76 years old & she tried retiring once but it drove her crazy. She works basically full time again & she looks & acts MUCH younger than her age.
I don’t know if you’ve read any of my posts where I talk about my sister being a severe drug addict. Her drug usage has really aged her looks & she used to be very pretty. Anyway, she went somewhere with my Mom & the person that they were talking to thought that they were SISTERS! TICKED my sister off (she’s 18 years younger than Mom)! The moral to THAT story is that working is good for you! Or it could be that using heroin is BAD for you, ha-ha!
Again, good luck to you. Jump back into the pool with the rest of us!
Denise H
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Hey Denise,
Bless your heart for your encouragement and humor
I used to think it would be really hard to have 3 little children, one after another, but having a 16-year-old daughter and a 7-year-old girl has its unique challenges as well. I’ve read some of your posts related to your sister’s drug addiction problem…so sorry you’ve had to deal w/that. Fortunately, I don’t have any unhealthy addictions-except caffeine and shopping!!! I truly have never even smoked anything-not a regular cigarette, marijuana-nothing….ask my husband 
Don’t mean to sound like Miss Goody Two Shoes-I just never had an interest (Dad used to be a HEAVY cigarette smoker, and the kids I went to high school and college w/just seemed to know-and respected the fact that-I was not going to be interested even if they did approach me.) My 2 older sisters and I have generally been told we actually look younger than we are-good genes in part.
The possibility of an outside job is exciting. I started working at a very young age, doing lots of chores at home, babysitting, detassling corn for 4 years (anyone who has detassled KNOWS this is some of the most difficult and unpleasant labor that exists!!), worked all throughout college, and then continued to work until I had my first daughter at age 33. Having a strong work ethic was instilled in my family at a young age, and my dad encouraged the females in our family (Mom and 3 daughters to do whatever we wanted to do). I never felt held back, feeling that I had to choose a traditional woman’s career, if, for instance I had wanted to study engineering or accounting. My husband’s family has tended to be more conservative, but my mother-in-law has become more open-minded over time, and she now knows better than to question a career move on my part
Well, gotta dry some clothes and change the sheets on our bed-so mentally stimulating (NOT!!).
Bless you, Denise!
Ann
P.S. I paid cash for my first brand new car when I was just 24. Unfortunately, it was a 1985 Chevrolet Cavalier, and turned out to be a lemon-must have been made on a Friday or a Monday!! Now I drive a Honda or Toyota, and my husband has loved his Accura and then Infinity. My parents and brothers stick w/the traditional American brands, however. As someone I used to work with would say: “To each his underwear.”
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Denise, I say that that working is good for you and can be bad for you sometimes, But using heroin is always going to be bad for you.
I can only imagine that your sister was pretty shocked to be considered a sister, to her mother. Hope your mom is proud of looking younger than she actually is.
Work can sometimes keep your mind off hard family issues and dealing with your sister’s drug issues must take a toll on you and your mom.
It’s the irony and the funny stories that have always kept me going.
Loved your closing line to Ann.
Joyce
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Ann, Good luck with your re-entry to the work force. Being available as an on call nurse seems to be a great way to get acquainted and ease back into the hospital and to get to know the staff. You just may find yourself being in the “right spot at the right time.” You never know when opportunity will come knocking….
My significant guy is a second career RN who works on an adult psych. unit in a major teaching hospital. The psych. nurses always wore regular clothes until last year. It was decided to have them wear a uniform. They don’t wear scrubs, or what medical nurses wear, but more of a coordinated pants, and shirt. I think there are two sides to the argument of wearing a uniform or not on a psych. floor, which you must know about, more than me.
The woman at the top of the page look happy, despite the uniform.
Go for it! Joyce
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Thank you Ann, from the depths of my heart.
~Char
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Good luck on the job hunt Ann!! Sending positive thoughts, prayers, hugs and love your way!! Let us know!!
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Jean,
My Mother-in-law just passed away at a Home Health and Hospice center. The program was a blessing and simply a God send. In lieu of flowers, my wife and I requested donations to Hospice. Unlike flowers that eventually wither away, programs like Hospice live on in the truest sense and continue making a difference in the lives of many. In closing, there are many worthy charities out there but Hospice is now squarely on my list (PS: Naturally I have also donated to the Prostate Org in Dan’s memory and I’ve got the pin’s to prove it)! Keep up the good work Jean! Richard
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My father passed away in a hospice from pc, in 92′. At that time I did not realize what an outstanding service facility hospice really is. The team is there with you 100% of the time. They really feel the family/caregivers pain, and try as best they can to ease your mind. Wonderful wonderful place, and very caring professionals.
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Thanks, Char, for helping me to emphasize the role and benefits of hospice! ~ Jean
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Hi Jean, a very good friend of mine passed on this site to me today. I am a huge fan of Dan Fogelberg’s-I don’t know the full story because I immediately went to this part of your page. I have my own Dan who is a musician (Brother Dan) and is currently on the liver transplant list in San Francisco, CA. I haven’t read through your whole site yet so I don’t know where you are located. I am Brother Dan’s girlfriend, caregiver and support person as we wait for the liver transplant. IT IS EXHAUSTING WORK not to mention that I can’t work for an income because I need/want/am the only person to be with Dan 24 hours. I am considering setting up a Caregivers Support Group here in Sacramento, CA just to be around other caregivers. As much as I ask, the family members just aren’t “getting” the exhaustive work this is, being with the person you love 24 hours a day. It is also exhausting having to ask them to relieve me for a couple of days a month so I can take a break. I am ready to go outside the family and seek “other” support so that someone is available so I can take breaks (I learned many things about hospice from your site just now-thank you). MY first doctor visit in 9 months was yesterday and my doctor said that my energy is zapped. I am now on thyroid medication as of today. I turn 49 tomorrow and have never had a medical problem of my own till this point. SO, in saying all of this-THANK YOU!!! I am going to continue to read through the site and I may consider passing on this website to caregivers who want me to set up a support group here as opposed to staring my own caregiver group since that in itself will be time consuming.
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Hi Melisa, zapped energy, that’s the first symptom of caregiver burnout. I’m sorry you’re having to consider going outside your family for help, but do what you have to, to get those periodic breaks – it’s so very important. I’m glad you had the good sense to see your doctor. If you want to set up a support group in your area, email me some info and I’ll create a page for your group that you can all go into to set up dates and times for meetings, and just generally chat. Be well! ~ Jean
jean@dontloseheart.org
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Thanks for the good entry about hospice. Having been a hospice nurse, I have to reiterate: Don’t wait until the last minute for hospice! The whole intent of hospice is quality of life along with patient and family support on many different fronts. Hospice can be a huge help in symptom management. I can’t tell you how many times hospice workers have heard, “I wish we’d started hospice sooner.” Hospice has nurses, home health aids, social workers, and chaplains, all to help the patient and patient’s family during this time.
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Yes,yes,yes! Thank you, Linda. We can’t stress this enough. Ask for help before the stress wears you down. If you don’t feel you can do it for yourself, do it for them: you’ll be able to take much better care of your loved one if you’re rested and well yourself. And the hospice team may be able to advise you about aspects of your loved one’s comfort that you may not know about. ~ Jean
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