CARING FOR OUR PARENTS
THE NEW OLD AGE
Thanks to the marvels of medical science, our parents are living longer than ever before. Adults over age 80 are the fastest growing segment of the population, and most will spend years dependent on others for the most basic needs. That burden falls to their baby boomer children. In The New Old Age, we explore this unprecedented intergenerational challenge.
Visit this New York Times blog: http://newoldage.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/01/11/the-agenda-for-today/
SENIORHOMES.COM
Welcome to SeniorHomes.com. We are a free resource for finding local senior homes. We have comprehensive information on all nursing homes, assisted living, memory care and retirement communities, as well as articles on important senior housing topics to help you through your search. You don’t have to make your senior housing decisions alone. Call one of our knowledgable advisors for some immediate assistance. We are here to help!
Visit the website: http://www.seniorhomes.com
CARE.COM
Help in finding reputable Home Health Aides, Companions, and senior transportation. Also, babysitters, nannies, tutors, and pet sitters.
Visit the website: www.care.com
ELDERCARE LINK
ElderCarelink connects you with trusted senior care resources in your area – fast and free.
Visit this site: www.eldercarelink.com
A PLACE FOR MOM
A free referral service helping families find nursing homes, assisted living, Alzheimer’s care, retirement communities, home care, and other senior care options. Our experienced Eldercare Advisors have assisted thousands of families with the difficult task of selecting senior care.
Visit the website: www.aplaceformom.com
OUR PARENTS
Find nursing homes in your area, and read (or write) reviews of them: http://www.ourparents.com
ACCESSIBLE HOME HEALTH CARE
Accessible’s success is embedded in our commitment to offer the best caregivers that “provide compassionate care from the heart” and are “Compassionate Companions”. We are cognizant of the reality that the aide our patients receive is directly dependent on the commitment of our caregivers, thus we hire experienced caregivers who have a passion for caring.
Visit the website: http://www.accessiblemontcopa.com/
AGING CARE
Find the answers you need to help deal with the stress of aging parents and elder care (senior care). Whether mom or dad needs long-term elder care, help to recover after a hospital stay, or mom or dad is living with you, we have the support and resources caregivers need. Find elder care information on senior health conditions, expert answers to your elder care (senior care) questions and an online community where you can “talk” with other caregivers who are facing similar problems as they care for aging parents.
Visit the website: http://www.agingcare.com/
AGING PRO
AgingPro.com is the national one-stop destination that delivers the most comprehensive set of caregiving tools, resources, community support information and access to professionals in aging available on the Web. We bring everything you need to one place and bridge the gaps between those giving, planning and supporting eldercare.Our purpose is to improve the quality of life and quality of care for older people, caregivers, and the professionals that serve them by providing the world’s best information, resources, and products that enhance eldercare and planning for aging. Our intention is to put an end to the “maze of senior services.”Founded by professional Geriatric Care Manager, Cheryl Mathieu, Ph.D., M.S.W., AgingPro organizes the resources on aging and eldercare to make them accessible and useful to everyone.
Visit the website: http://www.agingpro.com/
ALWAYS HOME CARE
Independence is what makes people live a happier, more joyful and longer life. However, when adults or children become chronically ill and are placed in nursing homes or hospitals they quickly lose their independence. At Always Home Care we bring our patients home, by providing very genuine and caring environment, and helping them achieve their independence by assisting them in taking care of themselves.From professional registered nurses, to certified home health aides, our collaborative team will make sure to improve your or your loved one’s quality of life by always being there for you when you need us.
Visit the website: http://www.alwayshomecare.org/
ASSISTED LIVING DIRECTORY
Assisted Living comes in many forms and settings, with widely varying degrees of services, amenities and cost, depending on the facility. An assisted living facility may be in a more rural or country setting that is very home-like. On the other hand, an assisted living facility may look more like an apartment complex, or even a hospital. Definitions can also vary as to what assisted living actually is, and there are different requirements for licensure and different laws governing assisted living facilities from state to state. Assisted-Living-Directory.com lists numerous facilities and, at times, other senior care options, organized by state, and then by city. We recommend that if you are looking into assisted living for yourself, or a friend or loved one, that you take ample time to research each facility thoroughly. Visiting the facility you might be interested in is also of utmost importance, as well as checking health and safety records and possible violations that have occurred with the facility. Assisted Living Directory does not endorse any particular facility on the site. Although we deem all of the information on this site as reliable, it is in no way guaranteed. Facilities are updated or change frequently. Some facilities may also go out of business. If you find any informational errors on our site, please let us know! Our site is intended to be a starting point for your research.
Visit the website: http://www.assisted-living-directory.com/
BOOKS ALOUD
Books Aloud, Inc. is a 501(c)(3) non-profit organization supported by donations from individuals, corporations, foundations, trusts, businesses and service clubs. Our mission is to improve the quality of life for people unable to benefit directly from the printed page by providing a service to stimulate minds, stir emotions and foster independence through our “Reading by Listening” program. The Books Aloud “Reading by Listening” Program provides a wide variety of recorded reading literature to eligible individuals of all ages. We keep the “Magic of Reading” alive for our clients. This is a FREE service. ELIGIBILITY: Blind, visually impaired, learning disabled or physically disabled individuals who are unable to read conventional print, hold a book or turn pages are eligible.Visit the website: http://www.booksaloud.org/
CAREGIVER PARTNERSHIP
Home care products that help maintain dignity.
Visit the website: http://www.caregiverpartnership.com/
CARING TODAY
Articles, advice, resources for the family caregiver.
Visit the website: www.caringtoday.com
CLOTHING SOLUTIONS
Clothing designed for dignity and easy dressing.
Visit the website: www.clothingsolutions.com/
DIRECT BUY MEDICAL
Medical supplies provider. Visit the website: http://www.medical-supplies.net/
MY SENIOR CARE
A community for senior housing, home care and health. Visit the website: http://www.myseniorcare.com/
NASMM
The National Association of Senior Move ManagersTM – NASMM (pronounced NAS-em) is a 501(c)(6), not-for-profit, professional association of organizations dedicated to assisting older adults and families with the physical and emotional demands of later life living including downsizing, relocating, or modifying their homes.
Visit the website: http://www.nasmm.org/
NATIONAL ASSOCIATION OF PROFESSIONAL GERIATRIC CARE MANAGERS
A professional Geriatric Care Manager (GCM) is a health and human services specialist who helps families who are caring for older relatives. The GCM is trained and experienced in any of several fields related to care management, including nursing, gerontology, social work, or psychology.
Visit the website: http://www.caremanager.org/
NURSE NEXT DOOR
By choosing Nurse Next Door, you or your loved ones can now have professional elderly care and support in the comfort of your own home. Our personalized home health care programs allow you to receive as much or as little elderly home health care as you want, giving you the attention and assistance you need while leaving you with the independence and dignity you deserve.
Visit the website: http://www.nursenextdoor.com/index.php
U.S. MEDICAL SUPPLIES
We are one of the largest home medical equipment and medical supply distributors with over 14,000 discounted items. Our online catalog clearly shows prices, descriptions and pictures. We specialize in mobility products including well known brands such as Pride Mobility, Golden Technologies, AmeriGlide, and thousands more. We offer an extensive selection of mobility scooters, power wheelchairs, manual wheelchairs, rolling walkers, bath lifts, stair lifts, vertical lifts, lift chairs, wheelchair lifts, adjustable beds, ramps, and scooter lifts. All of our products will be delivered to your home anywhere in the U.S.A. Find all of your medical supply needs online at U.S. Medical Supplies.
Visit the website: http://www.usmedicalsupplies.com/
Hi everyone – I thought I would comment under a new heading to rouse things up a bit – that shows how slow my days have become, huh? Hospitals are interesting places. My sinuses sure do not like them! And NO one can get any rest!
Well my Mom had to have a colonoscopy as she had an active GI bleed the day after Christmas. So at 96 she had one & came through very well. Turns out there was a perforation, but that was taken care of the next day when she underwent major surgery. They found she had cancer in her caecum and resectioned the right side of the large instestine. The Dr. only performed these procedures because he knows her & says she is not the typical 96 yo. Most others would not have been surgery as an option. So we have had good days & not so good days. But she is bouncing back from surgery. Her anemia issue should now be addressed; however, now her heart & breathing are the issues to resolve. After staying here night after night I am convinced, and the DR. agreed with me this am, that she is not breathing deeply enough during sleep. With O2 saturations dropping into the 70 & 80′s she is not getting enough oxygen to support her organs, especially the heart. Her heart goes into a. fib., which gets her legs hot, and her muscles vibrating which wakes her up which gets her breathing again. This has been happening for over 3 months & now we may have an answer. So if you have someone experiencing these symptoms, don’t put it down to restless legs, nueropothy, medicine side effects. etc. Perhaps it is heart & lung related.
Anyway, we have experienced several miracles with her surviving the odds because as my husband says – “she is a tough old bird”. I expect once she gets home, I may be having to run behind her at Walmart again. When she gets a shopping cart in her hands, you can’t keep up! She has a long recovery ahead, but thank you so much for your prayers. I know she (and the family) is reaping the benefits. DLH, the site & the song, have played in my head & heart several times this week and have worked their miracles with my peace of mind. Thanks my friends! I hope your lives are continually touched & blessed as we travel life, knowing that we are not alone! I will always be beside you!
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Dear Joan,
I agree hospitals are interesting places, and as we all know you have to be your own or loved ones health care advocate, but you already know that. I am completely thrilled that your “tough old bird” ( your husband’s description, not mine! )of a mom has had her surgery, and you have an answer to her anemia. Please let us know how she makes out with the heart and lung issues. Try like heck to keep the sinus issues at bay, it is so dry in the hospital, and usually too hot or too cold. Have you been able to read some of the suggestions on packing a bag and having it in your car for times just as these, great ideas, mine is ready and in the trunk!
In the meantime, I will be thinking of you both and praying for your mom’s quick recovery and release, so you can all get back home, and really be able to relax, get back to normal, and then on to Walmart! Being in the hospital takes so much out of the caregiver, you can sit and wait, or walk and wait, or wait ! You know we are always here, so write when you can, and of course DLH, as I believe in miracles too… Wishing you,mom and your family a very healthy 2012.
~Char
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Joan, an excellent idea, posting here – a very appropriate page. You mother is amazing – what great genes to have! Thank you for that good information, and Char’s right, this is another example of why it’s so important to be there as an advocate for your loved one when they’re in a hospital. Doctors and nurses, no matter how good they are, have so many patients to see in a day; no one will watch your loved one as closely, or be as concerned, as you. Good job. Keep us informed about the anemia, breathing and heart issues, and get that old bird back to your nest and then behind a Walmart cart again. ~ Jean
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Hi Mary, welcome home! Your trip sounded amazing! And what fantastic news to hear how well your mom has been doing and adjusting so well, it made me feel so good to hear all that. I visited with my mom all afternoon on Mother’s Day and she was doing great. I brought her in a wrapped gift like I always try to do when I go b/c she likes to open things and get new clothes, plus a cake and flowers. I had the flowers in a tiny glass vase and she took the flowers out and was going to drink the water, but I figured I’d be bringing that back home with me anyways! She was doing really well though, she was very happy and smiling the whole time. However, before leaving, I read the nurses notes as I’m meeting with our ombudsman tomorrow to talk and I was literally sick to my stomach. The day nurse (the problem one) that works during the week with them has been writing her up almost on a daily basis and it’s nothing good. She is referring to her as aggressive and non-responsive to the meds they’re giving her. Big zero’s all over the place for effectiveness she’s writing in her chart. The 3rd shift nurse that I met for the first time was covering that day 2nd shift (he’s a guy) & has worked with my mom since she’s been there and I asked him how she’s doing and he said fine. I asked if there were any issues and he said “no.” I also asked if she slept through the night (as I’ve been concerned about these psych drugs they have her on messing with her sleep cycle) and I was really happy to hear from him that she sleeps great still all through the night. The ombudsman as I think I all ready mentioned wants to get the state involved at this point. However, I haven’t heard from anyone from the facility lately complaining about her to me – yet anyways. So, I think we just need to get our ducks in a row and prepare for the worst in case we do. It is really unfortunate that I have to feel this way and don’t have any peace. I feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place and in limbo on what to do b/c I feel if we initiate anything they’ll immediately start drawing up discharge papers, but I think Jennifer believes that’s what they’re up to anyways. The only problem I really see is a nurse that I feel needs to be moved out of that unit due to improper training or just temperment issues not suited to be working around these types of patients. So the whole thing has the potential to get real nasty and blow up anytime now. After reading some of the things she wrote which both Jennifer and I know she is writing knowing full well she’s insinuating incorrect behaviors re. my mother, all I really wanted to do was storm in there and confront both her and her supervisors about her, this nurses behavior, not the patient, my mother. It’s beyond ridiculous. She definitely has an agenda and is probably not happy about how things turned out at our last careplan meeting when she had an opportunity to speak up and correct the information and chose not to do so. That was when they said my mother was screaming and yelling at a family member. My mom is non-verbal and can’t talk. The nursing home administrator didn’t realize that yet. I guess neither did the nursing director at that particular time. We got that all straightened out. Anyways, that’s what’s going on. Prayers are needed. If I can send a little photo in I’ll try of her with her presents and cake, it’s really cute of her. We used to be able to do that I think. I’ll check with Char or Jean if that still works.
So glad you had a wonderful vacation Mary and are home now safe and sound too. Now you can enjoy your mom and start planning you and your husband’s next trip! Big hugs, Karen
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Thanks Karen! I’m so sorry to hear that you are still having to deal with that nurse who obviously has a big problem of her own. It sounds like your mom is doing great there and is “fitting in” just fine and that was confirmed by the male nurse that you spoke to. I wonder if any other families have had problems with that one nurse? This has really gotten ridiculous! Is Jennifer able to go in and talk to the director of the nursing home about this one nurse in particular? If no one else is complaining about your mom but her, it is obviously her problem.
I hope things smooth out for you real soon. I know what this living on the edge is like. It’s no fun having to get up each morning and be ready to do battle! You and your mom are in my prayers. Let me know what happens… With love, Mary
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Karen, what is up with this nurse? It sure sounds like a personal grudge. I’m going to play devil’s advocate for a bit here. You know, often people who lash out do it because of personal issues and stresses we aren’t privy to. Let’s imagine that your Nurse Cratchit became a nurse for all the right reasons but has ended up burned out and feeling under appreciated. Probably some personal heartaches along the way. What I have found is that people are PEOPLE first, whether they’re lawyers, doctors, police officers, what ever – there is a little kid in there dragging a suitcase of issues behind them. It can be so disconcerting when you’re dealing with a professional who has your life or finances in their hands and you realize they are letting their personal issues intrude on their services or duties – downright scary.
Here’s what I’d suggest. Make it your mission to win Nurse Cratchit over. Not in a big, splashy way, just a comment of admiration here and there. Perhaps on a day when you’re tired, ask her how in the world she has managed to deal with the suffering she sees daily, for so long? Notice if she does something different with her hair or has a pretty color of uniform on that day. Become a little ray of sunlight in her day. Look at her as a person, not as a nurse, and see if you can find anything you have in common to talk about. Nurses care for others and listen to their aches and pains and problems all day long – maybe, if you take the time to let her talk about herself, she will actually look forward to your coming in. Because it sounds (from the male nurse) like your mother is going to be able to fit in here, given time and care, if you can work out this one kink in the chain. Just a thought… Jean
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Boy, Jean, you head the nail on the head. As a former nurse, but not a Nurse Cratchit, I have seen so many nurses that are completely burnt out and they take it out on the clients. I Have reported my share of them in my time. They are the helpless, and we are the helpers. I loved your advice and Karen, I hope that things turn out well for you. Hang in there and don’t let an employee hurt the one you love. ~Bev
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Fantastic advice from Jean, with a Bev/Mary backup.
As the old saying goes, “you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar.” Karen, hoping for much success, please let us know how you, mom and family are doing.
~Char
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Ditto, Ditto to all of the comments starting with Jean’s today. I found myself always bringing some See’s Candy and writing a little thank you note often. Everyone likes a little attention and there were many staff who needed to be noticed. Just like any job there is range of performance. You can’t change the nurse, but you may want to think about how you can change your reaction and dealings with her. Jean’s suggestion of a little comment or conversation on the personal level, not about your mom , might give you something else to talk about. Develop some neutral ground. The nurse isn’t going to go anywhere and the dance you are in now with her will just exhaust you. You just want the staff to do their job with some compassion. That seems to be the goal.
I sucked it up many times just to try to keep things calm. My mom was difficult and staff had real reasons to be frustrated. Once I even had a nurse tell me that she observed me, and would try some of my strategies.
Let us know if any of the DLH strategies work for you. Joyce
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Hi Jean, words so true and thoughtfully said; yes, I brought that up exactly too at my meeting with my ombudsman on Wednesday, but it’s not as though I haven’t tried to do that all ready. I’ve always been friendly and non-combative, but you’re right I need to give it even more effort now instead of letting this situation get the best of me. I spoke on the phone with her today when she called me to report a bruise on my moms arm and why she thinks its there and I engaged her in a nice conversation and told her I would come over on her shift more often and spend some more time with her and the other patients bringing a book with me to read to them as well and she welcomed that. I made sure I told her I appreciated all that she does and she could call me anytime if she needed me and I would come over. Excellent advice and definitely the much preferred way I would rather resolve things over there. Fingers crossed everyone! Hugs to All, Karen
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Hello to all! Well we are back from our trip and it was more wonderful than I ever imagined!! Spending time with our friends in Finland was healing and relaxing. Paris was like a fairy tale…I have never seen a more beautiful city. My first glimpse of the Eiffel Tower in the distance was unreal; I couldn’t believe I was really there!
Good news about my mom…she did great while we were gone! They didn’t even have to call in the sitter to be with her. They told me that they upped the frequency of the hydrocodone that she takes for severe arthritis pain and that has had an immense effect on her behavior. I went to see her as soon as I got back yesterday and she was happy to see me and my husband and son. She asked about the trip and was smiling the whole time we were there. I went back again today and she was great again. We talked about the trip (again) and she spent a lot of time petting and talking to my dog.
I don’t know if the extra hydrocodone is responsible for her improved mood and behavior or maybe the risperdal finally kicked in, but whatever it is, I hope it lasts! She seems like a different person.
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Hi Mary,
Welcome Home
The news you bring us doesn’t get any better…Paris sounds absolutely romantic and brilliant.
You and your husband are back refreshed, renewed, and able to face each day as it unfolds. The good friends, good food, and laughter, all helped to heal your fragile soul. And the icing on the caregiver cake…your Mom is doing GREAT. “A Hundred Million Miracles“……are happening every day….love this song from the movie, Flower Drum Song.
Great to read the wonderful news, and great to have you back.
~Char
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Thanks Char!
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Oh Mary How wonderful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You sound like a different person too – no worries for the present day!!!!!
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Thanks Joan! A little peace goes a long way!!
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Bon jour Mary. We are all so happy that you had an amazing time. There is something about Europe that soothes the soul. The beauty of it all is that upon your return your Mom did well. Hopefully you can put another trip on your calendar to look forward to. Thank you for keeping us posted about things, I am learning a lot from your entries. Welcome back, Melisa
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Bon jour Melissa and merci! We did have an amazing time… Europe is such an incredibly different place! I’m always facinated by the ancient architecture; so different from the young U.S.A.
Hearing that my mom did well was the icing on the cake. I’m glad my entries are helpful to you. I guess that is what this website is about; helping each other and learning from each other. Karens entries have been an education for me and the support from everyone else has helped keep me going when I thought I couldn’t keep going anymore. Thanks again to you Jean for your wonderful creation!
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Mary, somehow my comment on the 10th evaporated, but I’m just so happy to hear all of this good news. You all deserved it so much. ~ Jean
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Thanks you so much Jean! I didn’t go to see my mom yesterday so I am a little nervous about my upcoming visit today, but hopefully things are running smoothly.
Mary
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Karen – thanks for letting us know about this special report. A very dear friend of mine who is like my second mother, is suffering with this, as well as her family. It is a dreadful disease, but those fleeting moments when there is a litle sanity & the person returns, just for a bit, are rays of sunshine that warm you to your toes and makes all the sacrifices so worth it.
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I caught clips of this. It was very emotional, I especially loved Laura Bush’s rememberance of her father. This disease is as heinous as cancer; cancer robs the physical body, alzheimer’s robs the mind. It is very sad. To those of you in the think of caring for someone with this, my salute and prayers with you all. Mom has some dementia, but not to that dimension. I pray it never progresses to the point where she will not recognize us. Happy Mother’s day to all of you, even those who are moms to the four legged children.
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Hi Everyone, I just finished watching my tape of CNN’s Larry King’s Special on: Alzheimer’s an Epidemic that originally was cast last Saturday eve. If you missed it, it is set to re-air tomorrow night at 8PM again. Famous people such as Maria Shriver, Seth Rogen, Leeza Gibbons, Terrell Owens, Laura Bush, Ron Reagan Jr., & Angie Dickinson amongst others are on and discuss the devastating effects of the disease on their loved ones and family. The caregiver issue is a large part of the story as well and discusses how many of the caregivers are often even more sick physically than their loved ones that they are caring for. They stress the importance of how we need to be even more aggressive with a cure as the disease is expected to triple in “our” future. Last year, there were billions spent for cancer and Aids but only 500 million was spent on finding a cure for this disease which it is believed may very well cripple our health care system when those numbers of patients diagnosed are realized. We need to continue to take notice and do all we can to support those in need now and for a cure for the future. I was really amazed how many of the parents were only in their 50′s when diagnosed. My own mother was only 60 when she first started showing symptoms. Angie Dickinson’s words whose sister was stricken really touched me with her advice which was to touch, hold, hug and try to give all the comfort you can to them as often as possible.
God Bless, Karen
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Hi Karen, How are things going with your mom?
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