Don't Lose Heart

THE HEALING POWER OF THE HUMAN TOUCH

Experienced caregivers already know about the power of touch, but for you new caregivers, this is a way you can bring some comfort to your loved one.

So many conditions can cause pain and/or swelling. And sitting there thinking about how much something hurts makes it hurt even more. I found that in treating someone’s pain, a loving touch can’t be underestimated, sometimes just because the person in pain feels less isolated and alone with their pain. You have a million things to do every day and you rush around, trying to get them all done. And you pop in 20 times a day, checking in on them: “You okay? Need anything?” But if you can find a few minutes to do these three steps, it could give you both a little comfort and peace.

Step 1: Lay a thin cloth or tissue over the painful or swollen area. Take a bag of frozen peas and place it over the cloth and leave it for 15 – 20 minutes.  (If you’re dealing with an ankle, first elevate it slightly by placing a pillow under the calf and foot.)

Step 2: When you come back to take the peas off, sit down and place your warm hand very lightly above the area, almost touching it. Take a breath, concentrating all of your attention on the area of pain, and, still looking at the area under your hand, softly ask: “How are you doing today?” Then look up, make eye contact, and listen.

• Some people will say “Better”. Yay! Count it as a little victory. Pain – 12 / You – 85. Continue on to Step 3 effortlessly.

• Some people are the stoic, “never complain” type, and will give you the old “Fine”. One of these days they may feel like releasing some of that pent-up fear. But until then, continue on to Step 3, effortlessly.

• Some people will start listing everything they can think of. That’s good! Whether it’s the first time they’ve talked about it or you hear it every day, never take your eyes off of their face, and listen like they’re telling you where Blackbeard’s Treasure is buried. Don’t think about any one symptom; don’t think about what to do about any one thing; just listen to the words. Continue on to Step 3, effortlessly.

Step 3: Think about everything they’re dealing with, every minute of every day….would you handle the pain and fear any better? Tell them: “You’re so strong, to be dealing with all of this so well”. That’s it. Let the moment and conversation unfold as it will.

You’ve given them your full attention; ice for inflammation; a caring human touch; and you’ve reinforced the image they have of themselves, not as someone who is helplessly enduring pain, but as someone strong who is bravely fighting the pain. Attention, ice, love, admiration: a potent combination!

RECIPROCAL HEALING

If you can, really focus all of your attention on the area under your hand. Breathe. Concentrate on getting as close to the skin as possible without actually touching it. Notice how taut and poreless the skin is, feel the cold emanating from the skin under your warm hand. Feel your hand getting hotter. Visualize it radiating soothing heat that will relax the tissues and release the fluids, sending them flowing harmlessly away. Keep your attention there when you ask the question, and only after you’ve asked, release your attention.

This all happens in a matter of seconds, but the moment is a chance for your mind to stop racing frantically and focus on one thing. You know that saying: “What goes around, comes around”? Well, that’s physically true. In that quiet moment of love and healing, your Id (the part of your brain that’s all about instinctual needs and satisfaction) is registering that caring and touching is happening. It doesn’t care who is doing what to whom. All it knows is, someone is caring about someone, and someone is asking “How are you doing today?”. No matter what happens after that, even if your loved one says “Hey, you pervert! Stop fondling my ankle!”, know that you got a few precious, potent, healing moments of caregiving for yourself.

Note: The peas will easily mold to what ever part of the body is sore. After they thaw and re-freeze, they may harden. Just drop the bag on the floor a few times to separate the peas again. Don’t use a utensil to break them apart, you’ll break the bag and it will leak. Mark the bag with a Sharpie or other permanent marker, to reserve it for pain relief, and so you don’t eat them after freezing and thawing and freezing and thawing. Write something fun on it: “Envision Whirled Peas”.